annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 229

So Grandson tested positive, though he feels OK still, thank goodness. He and Daughter are doing another 9 days isolating, which is tough. Also my friend J the musician, who I spent last Saturday with, has fallen ill, not really with covid symptoms but you can't help getting anxious. I can't anyway. She had a test and is awaiting results. We were in her car together and sat too close in a cafe. I don't think what she has sounds like covid: "tired out, aches, no taste, sinuses blocked" but you never know - the taste thing... I've been sick with fear, shaking, pains all over, headache, stomach ache, the shits, all easing when I make myself calm down, but each time I check I've clenched my jaw.

Since writing that I've checked the NHS website and discover that she could have been infectious UP TO two days before showing symptoms, and she only started on Tuesday, so even if she does have it I'm in the clear. Which is no consolation to her, and now I'm not panic-stricken about myself I am concerned about her and ashamed of how self-centred I was before. Ah well. If nothing else I feel this should be a wake up call to be more careful in future. No more car-sharing, unless the windows are open. Being more attentive to the two metre distance. Not going indoors for any amount of time - it's OK to be passing through, from what I can gather, but not to hang around, sharing air.

This makes unedifying reading but I feel the need to make a record of it, an honest record of the details of how it's affected one person. Mainly mentally so far. One of the biggest and most difficult issues is having two different sets of beliefs being presented - the 'oh my God, the numbers are doubling, the shit is hitting the fan, we need lockdown now!" brigade versus the 'it's all bollocks, a big con, we're way past the worst of it' mob. I have no idea, but I do know that Guy and Matt tested positive, though living in the US, they won't pass it to me, but it still made it real again, and now Grandson has it as well it's real and close.

We also have Jeremy Corbyn suspended from the Labour Party for concerns about anti-semitism. For being a-s himself? For ignoring it within the party? For being blind to its existence within the party? Or for being the victim of a right-wing witch hunt? There are commentators both Jewish and not, whose opinions I respect on other matters, all taking different positions on this and as a non-Jewish person, although I haven't noticed any signs of it myself, I don't feel that's enough to base a judgement on. I have quite a few Jewish mates, one way and another, none of them very practising, none of them remotely interested in party politics, none of them coming down on one side or the other as far as Corbyn is concerned. I fucking hate this situation. I supported him, I joined the party and voted for him, I went to hear him speak live, I don't know which reality is worse. That I was conned and the man I thought was a true advocate of justice for all is not, or that the Labour Party is currently led by people capable of turning against a genuinely decent man who made Labour the biggest political party in Europe. I think it is the latter, but some of the people who believe otherwise give me pause and I have no way of knowing. That's the killer, same as with the virus. I have no way of knowing which is true. I can make a best guess, but that's all it is.

In other news... I came downstairs this morning and was horrified at the colour of the kitchen. Not so much a strong yellow as a harsh, awful, fucking yellow. After much debate about whether we'd get used to it and whether getting used to it was the desired way forward with new decor, we chose another colour, still a strong yellow but a warm, mellow one, that makes me go ahh rather than yikes. Richard isn't working tomorrow as he has childcare responsibilities so on it goes, three days pause then three or four more days till he finishes. We won't know ourselves, I tell you. The bathroom is finished and I have to say it does raise the spirits to have things nice. That whole "because you're worth it" shite.

I did two painting sessions today, one with the Art Enthusiasts in London, of Delacroix and the art of grisaille, which made me too tired to keep going after a while, and the second with J, the art teacher (another J), Thursday drop in where I am doing Turner's Fighting Temeraire in oils.

Three good things today:
1. Grandson being OK despite it all.
2. Having a proper bathroom again - a shower is so much quicker than a bath. A bath is for comfort and relaxation, not for practical cleanliness. So hurrah for the return of the shower.
3. Being pleased with my application of oil paints this afternoon. And liking hanging out with them, concentrating on my painting with a bit of chat going on in the background. There was some moaning about how hard it is only meeting on Zoom until we imagined lockdown without Zoom or anything similar... Very grateful for that.

Night night. Keep safe xxx

9:33 p.m. - 29.10.20


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