annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 206

It's quite astonishing really how adaptable we are. How already, seeing people in old films on TV brush past each other makes me flinch. How accustomed we are to seeing people interviewed in their own homes, in front of bookcases, rather than in the studio. A twitter page quickly sprang up, Bookcase Credibility, to take the piss out people's posing, like it was normal. And still it goes on, 200 days later. Eastenders being filmed in a weird way so they can all keep two metres apart, which was disconcerting for about half the first episode, but isn't now. It's never been about realism, it's a soap.

I got a bit pissed off today at seeing comments about Trump's medical care, suggesting that it's normal for a President to get better care than an average person, as if doctors measure a person's worth before deciding how often they should have observations done, or whatever. that the UK is taking the piss if it expects us to believe royalty would use the NHS. But all the royal babies are born in an NHS hospital, aren't they? Johnson was in an NHS hospital when he had the virus. The only extra things you get in a private hospital are smarminess, probably better decor, and the ability to queue jump for non-urgent conditions. If it's anything serious they send you straight back into an NHS place as they are the best.

I don't know why I got so angry, but I did. I remembered a lad I taught, who came down with meningitis over the day at school. He was in my lesson, the nurse was phoning round trying to get hold of his mother and we had him right next to the radiator, with all the coats round him. I've never seen anyone look so ill. He was a right piss-taker usually but he had nothing, he was very ill and very scared, too scared to care who knew it. I can't remember what happened at school, but the next day his sister reported that he'd been flown to a London hospital in the air ambulance (helicopter) as he was so poorly, where he made a full recovery. He was from a single parent family, living on the shittiest estate, in the shit part of town. The only place 'lower' than that would be living on the streets. But he was air-lifted to a specialist hospital because he needed it, it saved his life. And no bill or insurance form, no money involved at any point.

Maybe I got so angry because it made me remember Barb, who lived in New York State, and found a melanoma on her chin, but no one would treat it as her insurance didn't cover it so in the end she died. I didn't believe it would happen. I didn't believe that was how it worked. No one would stand aside and let her die when there were treatments available, at least treatments worth trying. I know loads of people who've had melanomas, no one else has died. They didn't even try. I can't begin to describe how that still makes me feel - how it makes me want to unfriend the USA in its entirety (apart from you, obvs, not you).It still makes me SO ANGRY.

But there you go. I had a good lunch with Grandson, in a mental wind - we always seem to catch the wind these days whenever we have a meal. I'm not eating inside though. He's a great consolation to his granny, that's for sure.

And I ordered a new phone - scary as shit. My old one doesn't even ring any more and the screen has been broken for well over a year - I remember mistaking one of the cracks in the glass for a footpath on googlemaps on a walk in the summer of last year. I started the phone detox thing - day 2 was to write down all the things you like and dislike about your phone. In the broadest sense, not an iphone compared to a samsung, but having one in your life. Lots to like, but fuck me, in two days I'm up to 10hr 33m, and 58 pickups. There goes my life, down the plug hole. I also have to write, before I go to bed, what I hope to change by the end of this 30 day detox. I want to not keep turning it on, to not want it, to be able to go on Facebook, instagram etc once a day or less, every few days. To have real relationships with people - to get real birthday cards and things in the post and phone calls and visits, not just likes. Though I just found out that my online friend Flood's husband has tested positive for the virus today and Flood almost certainly will too and we've never met, yet I know them and love them and feel a real lurch in my belly and a determination that they will be fine. I am reisting giving them unsolicited advice, for once in my life, but if you spot this Flood, do lots of deep yoga breathing, slow and deep and steady, calms the spirit and clears the lungs. God speed my friend, God speed. xxx

11:23 p.m. - 06.10.20


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