annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 205

Well, they've won. I am now totally discombobulated about the virus, how widespread it is, how dangerous, what I should do, what we should do - it's all too fucking much. We have tens of thousands of new cases every day, 22,961, but deaths are still low, 33 reported yesterday. Maybe that's because people die quite slowly and the rise will come in due course. The trouble is, none of it is trustworthy and everyone you speak to has a different take on it, on which aspects are true, which are deliberately false or badly reported. My acupuncturist is convinced these new figures are about false positives due to shite testing kits. Someone else was saying the death figures are lies - they were too high before when everything was down to covid, now they're too low as nothing is. And Trump - wtf? Maybe he didn't have it, maybe he has got it. All those other people who were with him tested positive as well - are they OK? Has the virus weakened? They do mutate over time. Am I mad to see Grandson tomorrow? No, I can't be,

To take my mind off all this, and because I CANNOT bear being stuck indoors with Bloke, I've kept myself very busy today doing things that should have left me mellow and relaxed but haven't because I did too many of them.

I started with qi gong via zoom from the recovery centre. I love qi gong and like it even more when I'm doing it at home and I can just see C the teacher and am not squashed up amongst too many people, too many of whom are quite scary, to be honest. I know that's who a recovery centre is for, but I do find myself scared by some of them, especially the big men. Anyway, that was lovely and I did feel chilled after.

Off to acupuncture, also very soothing, bit of a Chinese theme starting to emerge, but it didn't develop as I then headed for the woods with the dog. I remembered that people do woodlands as a cure for what ails them, nature, trees, all that, so thought it worth a go as the rain had dwindled to a fine drizzle. Though fine drizzle is shit for getting in through every nook and cranny until you're wetter than you would have been in a downpour. Yes, I was starting to get stressed by this time. I'd gone the wrong way so that I had to sit in my car on a bridge over the dual carriageway for several minutes waiting to get out at the junction up ahead. I don't mind going over bridges - I wouldn't be able to drive otherwise - but I freak out if I have to sit still on them for long. I'd almost managed to talk myself out of this irrational anxiety when that bridge in Italy did collapse, so I was right all along. The woods were lush, still green and full of fungii, but I walked too far and my ankle started to hurt on the way back.

When I got home I hid upstairs and did a painting session - Yayoi Kusama's Bird - though I just looked it up to be sure of the name and there seem to be loads of different ones all called Bird. I wasn't familiar with her work - lots of dots, very stylised, bold colours, I like it a lot. I can't seem to add photos or links any more. Meh. I wasn't very happy with my work as I struggle to paint fine lines. I asked Daughter about it and she said practice. Maybe I will face up to it and spend hours and hours persevering until I can do it.

Also, it's day one of my phone detox so I got the app - Moment for iphones, there's a different one for androids and I have to report I spent 4hr 22m on the fucking phone today and picked it up 30 times. Which is why I want to detox.

Three good things today: chat with J, we're meeting on Saturday for a walk; those lovely woods; keeping going, being still up for trying to be well - I forget that, The qi gong teacher said at the end of the class that we should congratulate ourselves for turning up, choosing to live a healthy life as much as we can. Yay, go me. Meh. Night night xx

11:14 p.m. - 05.10.20


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