annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 163

Holding myself together. This is the interlude, between Sam's birthday and the anniversary of her death. Ten days, ten weird days.

We got together on her birthday, me the kids and Grandson. We had a meal, then went to the park - this is me in the park, concentrating on not falling to pieces. In my new cheap dress. It was windy as fuck, mad winds. We ate outside as we're not doing inside public places (unless it's passing through quickly, like shops), and the lettuce had to be weighed down with heavier items of food to stop it blowing off the plate. Literally.


We bought flowers and collected bits and pieces and Daughter made this for her sister:


We had a cake and we all spoke to Sam, telling her how much we love and miss her. It was awful and beautiful in equal measures. I don't know what we'll do on the anniversary but it's not till next week so time for an idea to arrive.

In other news, I decided to make a graph of my weight loss, obviously using a thick pen to make it really unsightly. As you can see it's very up and down, but it does include the time when Daughter was staying here and we ate chips three days in a row, and Sam's birthday when I ate fried, floured calamari, a big slice of cake and two lots of affogato. We'd decided to all have that for dessert as it is delicious - vanilla ice cream with an espresso coffee poured over - but when they arrived and Daughter took a spoonful, she realised they'd put alcohol in as well - a shot of something. Well, she's off the booze, eighteen months sober, Son is 12 years sober, so they gave theirs to me and Grandson and ordered non-alcoholic versions. And there it is in the chart, straight away. I didn't mark this morning's reading in - it went back down to 93.0 - I know, fascinating.



Yesterday I walked into the hills and picked up all these plastic bottles:



I just have to keep busy. Don't know what else to do. I'm trying to walk every day to prepare myself for the sponsored walk. I can't quite bring myself to say 'training' for a seven mile walk as it feels too pathetic to need to train for such a short distance, but I do. I did 3.8 miles today and my legs ache something rotten. I know I'm meant to increase it slowly but steadily but it's quite hard unless I endlessly walk the same route just adding a bit and it's a shit route. It won't be so bad on the day as it's literally going to start at dawn so there won't be much traffic, but now it's along a busy road. Maybe I'll change it - it's meant to start from the front door, but my front door just leads onto the estate. I could go out on the hills but if I find I can't manage it, I'll be fucked as there's no access for cars. Maybe I'll walk along the sea front - it's flat at least and much nicer for practising. I took Shirley with me today and she's knackered - she's only got little short legs.

Here's the link, just in case you fancy chipping in. Takes all currencies, as low as you like - it all adds up.

Three good things today: the guy in the coffee shop had already closed but served me anyway; we missed the heavy rain; I had a message from my Alaskan Buddhist buddy who's back in the area briefly, inviting me for a walk and a coffee. Good. I like her.

Thank you for reading and bearing with me in all my foolishness. Keep safe, my friends, keep safe.


11:56 p.m. - 24.08.20


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