annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 153

This is a difficult time. I keep myself as buoyant as I can during the day but by the time I come to sit here and write, all the oomph as gone out of me. I don't know what to do with myself.

I do, really. Get back into the semi-routine I had going before. I haven't done anything much this whole week, in the way of self care, beyond getting into the sea quite often. The long meditation on Mondays has finished as the teacher went home to New Zealand and into quarantine. She says she'll start it up again and that she's used to managing the time difference, but she hasn't yet. I had medical appointments on Tuesday that clashed with the writing group and the Tuesday art group was off as the teacher was on annual leave. The Wednesday yoga class is off for the summer holidays and the Thursday writing group was a six week course that has now finished. I did do the Thursday yin yoga class this afternoon and bloody lovely it was - I sank right down into such a meditative state before we even got to the final relaxation, but most of the stuff just didn't happen and it turns out to have been necessary.

So. The lesson learned is to not rely on the live things but to use some of the recorded ones I have. I can do a long relaxation, yin yoga and painting sessions any time I like using recordings. I'd booked an art class this week that I forgot to go to. Meh. I shall do better. Tomorrow there's a writing group, a painting session (Monet's water lilies) and restorative yoga so that should keep me going. On Saturday I'm taking Grandson out to lunch. Yay.

This morning I had great messaging to and fro about low carb diets with Rosemary, who got me into the walking all those years ago. We haven't met and I was a bit cautious about asking her advice, but she was great, kept thinking of more stuff and sending another message. I feel quite buoyed up by her - ooh, just noticed I used buoyant and buoyed in this entry - both have that uo and floaty vibes.

This was my dinner tonight, anyway:


There's a small pork chop under the mustard sauce, which has mushrooms and spinach added. Then some broccoli, plus a tomato and some cucumber both grown in the greenhouse and picked about an hour before I ate them. A very delicious dinner, filling and healthy. I do love potatoes but I'll be OK without them for a while. I'm not going to need to maintain that strict a diet after I've lost the weight, I don't think. I'm this fat because I ate masses after stopping smoking and again when Sam died. It's not how I normally eat, but as I'm old my metabolism is slow so I need something drastic to help me shift it. I hope anyway. I was just going to promise not to become a diet bore but fuck it, I will if I want to, this is my blog for your passing interest (if anyone's still reading) and for my future understanding.

In Covid news (talking of future understanding), it's just peculiar at the moment. It's only now that I think Daughter came round to move camping gear about and take rubbish to the tip, bringing her god-daughter with her, a 14 year old girl who needs a trustworthy adult big-time. I mean, she was in my house, we sat in the hall together going through boxes of stuff from the loft, yesterday we were in the car together and at no point did I remember the fucking virus and the precautions we should all be taking. She doesn't mix with people, but her mother works in a care home and her stepdad is a fucking nightmare off his head all the time so god knows what he does. The cases are rising again, deaths 55 yesterday, 180 today, but we're out of the habit of taking it seriously all the fucking time somehow, which is how it happens.

The A Level results came out today (national exams kids take at 18 - quite academic, mainly for university entrance) - absolutely shocking, the way they've been handled given that no exams took place. Wholesale fuckery with limited appeal possibility and many less-well-off kids losing their uni place already. With luck it'll be enough for everyone to see that these cunts only care about themselves and to vote accordingly when the time comes, but meanwhile good kids who've worked hard have been fucked over quite deliberately by the education minister who can't even be arsed to make up a decent excuse.

But, three good things: that yin yoga was magic; while I was walking in the meadow with Shirley the woman who owns the sheep there came to top up their water and we chatted - cool; I think I did good resting.


12:42 a.m. - 14.08.20


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