annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 145

I'm going to put this link at the top of every entry till I've done the walk. Fundraising for the hospice that looked after Sam.

I just logged on to diaryland and spotted joistmonkey online which made me hope he's updating. He used to post every day then decided to pack it in and I found I missed him...

Anyway, today I had the preliminary chat with one of the counselors from the hospice which made me feel like a safety net had been set up beneath me as I teeter along, always too close to that edge. I saw her a few times when Sam was in the hospice in 2017, but there's a limited number of sessions per person (12, free), and she felt I should save the bulk of them for after Sam died, which seemed imminent then. As so much time has passed I'm entitled to 12 again, not counting today's as it was a bit admin focused. We're going to start on Aug 26th, face to face at the hospice, unless I decide I can't manage that or the govt change the rules, in which case they have some Windows set-up, like Zoom but less hackable. She asked me about my life since she last saw me, if there had been any major events apart from Sam dying. I knew there had been but couldn't think what until I sat down here at my laptop just now and there was my brother's photo, giving me that look, actually, the look a brother would give a sister if he knew she loved him and hadn't really forgotten that he'd died so much as blotted it out.

Today was meant to be my first online yin yoga session with E, my favourite yin teacher from the studio I was going to, her first online. They sent the link half an hour before and I was ready, in my kit, on my mat with bolster, blocks and blanket to hand. The host will let you in soon it said. And kept on saying. After ten minutes and a few exit/reentry moves, I knew something must be up as E would not keep a class hanging around for ten minutes, she was always there first. I went to my email and found one had just arrived from the studio:

Dear Student

Although advertised, Yin with E on Wednesday will not be live-streamed today or in the future. E had expressed her wish to only lead immersive classes at the studio as it best compliments her style of teaching. I unfortunately forgot this fact while preparing to re-open the studio.

I replied, " Disappointed, especially to only get this after the class was due to start, after receiving the link, when I was already set up and ready to go.

Back came:

My apologies Anna - we are doing our best these past few months under trying circumstances.

which really pissed me off. I've been paying my full membership fees all this time, to support them and he's been crap - this is not much of an apology which should have been in the first email. Ach, I was really disappointed as she's such a good teacher - she's the one who came and tucked the blanket round me for the relaxation before she even knew that I had lost my daughter. But I'm probably just being grumpy. I feel a bit self-righteous because I haven't been on their case about how crap their stand-in teachers are. They only give instructions once so if you miss it you have to squint at the screen, but they like moody lighting so you can't really see what they're doing. They ask you to turn off sound and video so you have no way of communicating and it's all a bit crap. Luckily there are a limited number of yin poses so if in doubt I just make one up, but it's a bit shite, isn't it?

The font's gone a bit funny - don't know what that's about. Daughter and I went for a meal at the seafood restaurant on the beach, which is participating in the govt's 'Eat out to help out' scheme which meant that we got £20 off the bill, reimbursed to them by the govt. It is a shocking thing to do - to give money to those who already have enough to eat out when there are literally millions relying on food banks, but we did it. And it was lovely - delicious food, loads of it, having a laugh with my girl. Self care really, innit.

Knackered afterwards, came home and nearly fell asleep. Now it's gone midnight and here I am blethering on like a fool.

Three good things: having enough food left over to bring home and have for tea (this is most unusual in the UK); having a yin yoga class on youtube to do as I was all set up and ready; having a right laugh with Daughter

Night night


12:56 a.m. - 06.08.20


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

Day 150 - 11.08.20
Day 149 - 09.08.20
Day 148 - 09.08.20
Day 147 - 08.08.20
Day 146 - 07.08.20

other diaries:


Site Meter