annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Day 104

I didn't manage anything all day really. The fever passed, but the feeling of exhaustion remains. It was a day of thinking I'd do stuff in a minute, but not managing it. I didn't get to Tuesday art group, despite buying myself some heavy paper and new, firmer brushes. I lay on my bed, thinking I'll get up in a minute, just another minute... but I didn't.

I did do my 10 minutes meditation - that's my daily commitment - my only 'should'. And I turned up at the table to have a facetime lunch with my dear Grandson. Then I dragged myself out into the shade in the garden and made myself not go to bed. I really wanted to lie down but I gave my camp bed/sun lounger to the hospital at the beginning of the pandemic, as they needed them for emergency doctor sleeps. So I sat in a chair, grumpily. Feeling sorry for myself.

A further achievement was putting the sprinkler on the garden, setting my timer for 20 minutes, then moving it on. I did the whole back garden and you could see it perk up at once. We haven't had decent rain for weeks and weeks. So that was something.

By six o'clock I was hating myself, hating that I'd done nothing, that I hadn't even walked the dog round the block. Telling myself all kinds of shit. So I got in the car and down to the beach, set my timer for 30 minutes and dragged myself along the wet sand, under the pier, up along to level with the care home and the timer went ping and back I shuffled. Knackered.

But I am seeing the acupuncturist tomorrow, yay, and she will tell me whether my system needs a kick start or a week in bed.

Because I was honest on the Covid symptoms app about having a raised temperature  they want me to have another test. They're sending it to me - I don't want to drive to the scary testing station again.

More things that piss me off:

1. When you're meditating and they say watch your breath as you breathe in and out, but don't change it, just watch. Well that's not possible is it? As soon as my attention goes to my breath, I can't breathe normally at all - I can't now, just writing about it. And that's a scientific fact - that what is observed changes, so shut up saying it, honestly.


2. Grr, while I was writing that I had another one and it's gone now. Ffs

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/anna-mills4?newPage=True

Bed now.

11:33 p.m. - 23.06.20

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