annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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Day 99
- I ate all the chocolate and cake and scones I was given for my birthday plus all the blackcurrants from the garden with ice cream and now I feel very sick.
- We did the online pub quiz again tonight, week 13. Thirteen weeks of lockdown? No wonder we're all tired and grumpy. Well, I'm tired and grumpy - aren't you? Bloke came last and I just beat him, same as usual.
- People I know in the world of mental health are having massive episodes of disturbance, bordering on psychosis. Very scary. I stay away because I can, because I have to. No one has actually asked for my help, but there is an urge to get in there and see if I can make things better in any way, but I almost certainly can't, I can just get fucked up myself. But it's hard. Harder for them, obviously.
- I want something else. I don't know what, but this is awful now. I felt like I really hated Bloke for most of today. He follows me around sometimes, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I keep moving away. Is he oblivious or is he just choosing to keep his expression as bland as fuck every minute of every day so I have no idea what's going on in his head and now I don't care and don't want to know. Don't start talking to me now, it's about fifteen years too late. But I'm still here - so what the fuck does that mean? I need to crack on with the co-dependency book, probably.
- I'm feeling unnecessarily agitated by people posting photos of themselves that are so obviously photo-shopped or tweaked or whatever you call it. I met a blog mate who did that - all the photos she ever posted were so altered that when I arrived at the meeting place I thought she wasn't there. When this person came and spoke to me my face ,must have fallen through the floor with shock - you look like this? Which wasn't ugly or anything but wasn't all cheekbones and that. Weird. I am resisting the urge to ask them why they do it.
- Also I am pissed off at people posting photos of themselves in masks with great gaping holes around the nose. You need it to be fitted or there's no fucking point.
- I told you I was grumpy.
11:50 p.m. - 18.06.20
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