annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 61

I realise there's some advantage to having the wrong number of days in the title here, though it's wearing thin. I miscounted when I first started using days for titles, so when I hit a milestone like 50 days, or now 60 - sixty days - I tell myself it's not quite that, but now, although it might not be 60, it's definitely more than fifty - fifty fucking days living this half life, looking on the bright side, trying not to go mental or get infected or kill Bloke or cry when facetiming the kids. Ach.

Today was busy in a good way, though I should probably be in bed now after all the shit I've done so I will attempt (again) a brief entry. Day 61 has been one of the better days of this lockdown, though my sciatica has been fucking awful. I don't even know if it is sciatica - it seems the most likely diagnosis to me, but what do I know? My leg hurts, that's what I know. Not always, not in the same place, not at the same intensity, but always the right leg, never the left. I've taken a codeine tablet so I feel OK. But wittering on a bit.

  • I had a great zoom chat session with SD which made me feel like a proper person somehow.

  • Made a short video about all the purple flowers in the garden for this art page Daughter invited me to join. Later discovered I'd missed the point but too late by then and I don't really care. Hard to tell if it's my age or the lockdown or the meditation but I'm managing to not care about loads of things which once would have upset me. Good.

  • Did the free guided meditation from the Natural Health Centre which is more like a yoga nidra but is just the best, most relaxing thing ever, like pressing a reset button and turning the stress and angst back down to zero.

  • Ate a big pile of slaw that Bloke made for lunch which was like an endurance test with these teeth. Raw vegetables take forever to chew through but had to have them then as I knew we were having leftover quiche for dinner and I wanted it with beans and mash - proper old school school dinner, cheese pie, mash and beans, so needed the veg. though beans are veg...

  • Took Shirley up and out onto the hills for a decent walk, the first for either of us for a while. The main road is getting busy again - I had to wait to cross and loads of cars went past. Then on the other side I didn't encounter a single other person - is everyone back at work? I still feel very anxious about the virus and very glad indeed that I don't have a job calling me back. I will meet people outdoors, now it is allowed (that was all a cock-up yesterday), but I think sitting down is a good way to do it - it's hard to maintain distance when walking - you forget and drift closer - well, Daughter and I did yesterday, but that's the only change I will make. I still won't drive any distance, won't go in shops or other buildings, will carry on with the mask and the hand washing and hope for the best.

  • Music lesson - I feel I'm not making progress but teacher says I am, Still can't play Any Dream Will Do all through, but have almost got Morning Has Broken. Now I'm meant to add notes played with the left hand which is unbelievably hard - if I concentrate on that my right hand goes to shit even with tunes I know, like Row Row Row Your fucking Boat

  • Did a yin yoga session from YouTube - I've been using the same one for weeks and weeks so I had a look through what else is available and they're all awful, so much airy-fairy bullshit - just shut up and give us the poses

That's all. Wash your hands and wear a mask, ya hear?

12:04 a.m. - 12.05.20


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