annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 47

Daughter is ill again. Raised temperature and feeling shit. She didn't tell me till this evening as she freaked out about having seen me on Friday and maybe passing it to me. I managed to dismiss it until now, now when it's just me and my thoughts and a page, and I'm very anxious though trying not to be. I'm worried about her - I don't think it's the virus, though obviously it might be, but it might be something else that's lingering and not getting treated. And I'm scared for me, and pissed off with myself for taking risks.

This is a photo of me and Daughter that a friend posted on Facebook:


1983, I reckon. I was tired, wasn't I? She didn't sleep much when she was little. Yes, we're in the pub. The pub garden anyway.

This has been one of those long days where I can't even remember this morning - oh yes, I did a free live online meditation with the Natural Health Centre which was really fucking blissful, I drifted right down into it, lovely. Don't know what I did before that. Moaned a bit and fucked about on my phone a lot, probably.

Took the dog out, lots of cows doing an Atom Heart Mother thing with the grass and the sky, making me wish for a moment that I had a real camera that could zoom and get a good shot, rather than a phone which gets blurry if you enlarge it this much:


While I was walking I did a Big Think about something I thought would be spot on for this blog, something interesting, philosophical perhaps. I say perhaps because I haven't been able to remember what it was. I only write this so my future self - oh God, I feel anxious even writing that, the presumption that I will have a future self, but I will, fuckers, I fucking will, and that self will be able to read this and think, Jeeze, I'm glad the terrible memory thing didn't last long.

Music lesson was great - I'd practised and practised Morning Has Broken and finally managed to play it to the teacher with just one mistake, though it was lumpen to say the least. I'm to keep going with that, especially how I move my right hand up and down to reach the notes. And I'm going back to the easier tunes that I've mastered, to add a note on the left hand, one note for each bar. Man, that's just so hard - thinking and moving two bits at the same time - my brain malfunctioned at once. But I like having something hard to practise.  I like mastering it, and I can see I am gradually learning the notes.

I made an apple crumble using self-raising flour as we're nearly out of plain. It tasted OK but all the textures were wrong - probably not because of the flour, but because I couldn't be arsed to slice the apples finely enough, or to lay them nicely in the dish. I just chucked the fat slices in, shook a bit of mixed spice over and a handful of sugar, mauled it about with my hands till each bit was coated and slung the crumble mixture on top.  Bunged it in the oven and did the yin yoga Youtube session after which it was a bit too cooked.

I am grateful for: being as healthy as I am, and all round strong and rough, tough and rugged; finding that music teacher; Bloke going to get me some eggs for my breakfast tomorrow without me asking; Grayson Perry's art club on telly - made during lockdown, for us all in lockdown; bed, now

Night night xxxx


12:50 a.m. - 28.04.20


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Day 52 - 03.05.20
Day 51 - 02.05.20
Day50 - 01.05.20
Day 49 - 30.04.20
Day 48 - 28.04.20

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