annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 33

Day 33. Fucking hell. If you're living alone through this, I salute you. I feel as if I'm being eaten alive by loneliness and I'm not on my own. It's a question though, whether it's better to be alone or with someone who doesn't really 'do' people. I think I'm probably better living with Bloke than being alone - there's something about being irritated that's quite energising. I can imagine myself falling right into the black hole of depressive inertia without him there, getting on my last nerve.

Still, today hasn't been too bad, apart from him turning off spider solitaire every time he hears me passing his door and putting something that looks like work up instead. For fuck's sake, I'm not your mother - do what you like. I don't say it, I'm aiming to keep the peace and petty sniping wouldn't help. But also, fuck off - I don't chivvy him for sitting at his computer, I like him being in his room out of my way.

I slept for nine and a half hours last night and do feel better for it. I'm going to try and get to bed well before midnight again tonight.

Big news today was my first keyboard lesson which was brilliant! Oh, I loved it so much! We did it by phone, whatsapp facetime. The keyboard is in my bedroom so I can leave it up on its stand all the time - I'd never practise if I had to keep setting it up - so I piled a load of books up on the bed and balanced my phone there so we could see each other and it was great. She kept apologising for the material being so childish and I kept telling her I didn't care - I am a beginner so it's fine. For my homework I have to do lots runs of the notes FACE and EGBDF, saying them out loud as I play them, and playing all the C's on the keyboard, then all the other notes in turn. I have two tunes to practise as well - Pop Goes the Weasel and Go Tell Aunt Nancy and she wants me to say each note as I play it with them as well. This way I should be learning to read music as I go. Here's hoping. Twenty minutes was perfect, just enough and not too much. I'd have drifted off if we'd done more.

I also made two more masks, for my Alaskan, Buddhist pal who sometimes comes to yoga. I find it interesting that of the few people from the US that I know, two are actual Alaskans - one of whom came to stay with me, Travelling Valerie, and another Art, lived there for a while - I have a mug he sent me from Chicken Alaska, about which Wikipedia says: "The population was 7 at the time of the 2010 Census, down from 17 in 2000. However, usually year round, there are 17 inhabitants." When he told me he was going there I looked it up on google maps and got a picture of a line across an empty page with a dot marked as Chicken. I scrolled out and out and out forever before there was anything else. Fuck that. Art had been out of work for a long time and they were looking for a chef there so it seemed worth a shot but really, you have to be a certain sort of person to be able to live in a place with so few other people - ten when he was there - hundreds of miles from anywhere. An alcoholic, it turns out. Ten drunk people, hundreds of miles from anywhere. He left and gradually made his way to Memphis, where he was volunteering at Graceland, last I heard.

Anyway, I made my Alaskan Buddhist buddy a couple of masks and walked round the block to post them, wearing my mask all the time I was out. I didn't get anywhere near anybody, so I needn't have bothered - I think I saw nine people while walking a big loop round this housing estate for 45 minutes. Now the mask is worn so I need to wash it at 60C or the whole thing is pointless. I usually do a cool wash, so maybe I can boil it in a pan for a few minutes, with some soap. It's the soap that kills the virus. I'll have to have a designated mask boiling pan though...

I am grateful for: feeling better today; being healthy; my Daughter being dead perky again; having a garden; the luxury of opting out of the news - I feel guilty about it sometimes, but no good is served by me losing the plot - it doesn't help anyone else in any way if I know what's occurring, but I do feel ashamed. Just saying, not changing.

Lots of love, dear friends. Stay safe. Keep in touch xxx


11:42 p.m. - 13.04.20


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