annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


March 21st

Still rubbish. Had an awful day, relieved a bit after I did my keyboard practice, but deteriorated again after going to the beach and seeing crowds of people all sitting together round the kiosk that sells drinks. People aren't doing what's been asked of them, as if it didn't matter, as if we all know for sure that we're not carrying it.

It's very hard to find a way through this that doesn't jeopardise my mental health. In recent years I've been lucky enough to have assembled a timetable of activities that do keep me steady and I've almost felt that I'm OK, that I'm well. But I'm not. I've been on the verge of hysteria all day at the thought of all the things needed to ensure not getting infected - I cannot do them - I cannot keep it in the front of my mind to that extent without giving up. I'm washing my hands enough that they're red raw, I'm staying away from everyone apart from Bloke, only going out to walk Shirley in empty places and not touching a single thing with my hands while I'm out.

This was the beach today - I went there again as it was sunny and the tide was lower:


We walked three miles then had a sit down on the rocks:


It's OK to be freaked out. This is huge.  And people aren't complying so it's risking being more huge. The USA and the UK show the least compliance and the steepest daily rise in infectious people.

Anyway, for the record, I sorted out all my keyboard stuff so that I have the seat at the right height for my arms, and it's by my desk upstairs so I can have the book in front of me. I found a youtube clip of "the Top 5 Piano Exercises for Beginners" and wrote them down so I can remember and use them then had a few runs through. It felt fucking great. I had to really concentrate. Then I played through 'When the saints go marching in' and 'On the banks of the Ohio' a couple of times - I learned them the other day and could see an improvement, so very satisfying.

I hope something good comes of this for the world, even if I'm not one of the ones to see it. Have you seen the fish and dolphins in the Venice canals? Maybe if all the cars and planes and factories stop for a month or two the difference will be so startling that change will be welcomed. And capitalism is surely going to have to be modified, reined in. The market isn't going to help us nip this in the bud, is it. The rich so far have grabbed all the food, leaving nurses and other key workers facing empty shelves when they get off shift. Some cunts are selling sanitiser and toilet paper for stupid prices. If people have to use other kinds of paper to wipe their arses and flush it away, that'll be the sewage system fucked up in no time. Now we're hearing that city dwellers with second homes are moving to these rural places, taking the virus with them to areas where the incidence had been low but is now rising fast, but there's not much medical care. Jeeze. In Norway, they've been told to stay put.

Bed now.

Today I: meditated; did keyboard practice; posted another painting, to Portland OR; walked three miles; was out in the sunshine for a couple of hours; blogged.

But - I watched too much TV with upsetting stuff and spent too much time on facebook and Twitter, reading awful stuff. I only want keywords of what I need to do or stop doing and no more info than that.

I am grateful for: my little dog; my keyboard; friends; being resourceful; meditation

Sleep well dear friends and for fuck's sake, keep your distance. Hugs


11:17 p.m. - 21.03.20


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