annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


March 14th

Does anyone else on Wordpress have their comments go straight to their deleted items/bin mailbox on their hotmail account? Anyone know how to make them go to the ordinary inbox?

I went to the city today to meet Son on his fortnightly trip to the coast, which I wouldn't have not done but now it's made me so anxious, for me, for him, for Daughter. It was a bit quieter than usual, quiet for a sunny Saturday after days of rain, that's for sure, but there were loads of people just doing the things people do, living their lives, eating, drinking, shouting at traffic wardens. So while we were there, it felt OK. I washed my hands thoroughly twice but there are so many things you have to touch, or that I couldn't help myself touching - the handrail on the stairs coming up from the underground car park, the other handrail on the stairs coming up from the toilets in the coffee shop - I can't remember what else but I kept thinking, oh, I touched that as well, and that, and that.  And then your hands go to your face - I have to keep pushing my hair out of my eyes because it's still fucking windy so it comes out of the elastic I have it tied back in and I rub my eyes and pick at my teeth and it's all fucking hopeless. So now I'm wishing I hadn't gone out, but if I had I wouldn't have seen Son, and man, I needed to see Son.

But when I come back and scroll through online I'm reminded that people are contagious for seven days before they have any symptoms and no one's being tested, and who else held onto that hand rail coming up from the toilets and had they washed their hands? Everyone carrying on as normal but it's not normal is it? The government advice seems to be that if you have a cough and/or a temperature stay indoors for seven days, don't tell us, there's nothing we can do, no point testing you if you already have it, they're only interested if you've just come back from countries like Italy -  I can't even find the list of countries. They keep going on about the elderly and vulnerable but I still can't find out if 65 is considered elderly these days - it used to be but who knows now - and does having had pneumonia last year make me vulnerable?

It just all feels too hard, too fucking hard. I'm not over the last stuff, I'm not ready for more.

If I have to stay in I have loads of shit I can be getting on with and I won't stay in anyway, I'll walk on the hills and on the beach and it will be OK in the end.

After Son left I went to the beach on the way home, the beach the other side of the harbour and there was a ship going out of the lock just as I went over the gates - perfect timing:



I love watching ships going through the lock - they fill it to within about a foot either side and tower above you.

I did restart meditation this morning - Headspace - fifteen minutes a day, we'll see how it goes. Definitely can't hurt.

Take care, all of you.

11:55 p.m. - 14.03.20


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