annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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March 12th

Today has been a massive struggle.

It started with my art therapy session which suddenly plunged right into crucial, exhausting issues of who I am and how I've been cared for my whole life and how it has been, losing both a mother and a daughter. Man.

I came home to find a letter telling me that the biopsy had revealed pre-cancerous cells in the lesion on my leg so I'm booked in for photodynamic therapy in mid-May and again in early June. Apparently it will hurt, so they may have to stop and give me a local anaesthetic. Nice - maybe they'd like to give that first, rather than waiting till I'm in pain.

I'd already had enough of Thursday so went to bed and read my book, Louis and Louise (or possibly Louise and Louis) by the woman I sat next to at the Marian Keyes thing, and who came up in conversation a lot at the writers' retreat. I didn't think I would like it but in the end I do - it's got a complicated conceit at its heart that took me a while to settle into, but now I'm gripped, gripped, I tell you.

Apart from when I'm in a panic about the fucking virus. I've suddenly become overwhelmed with fear and dread and anxiety. I've turned Twitter off so I can try not to have it in my face every time I try to distract myself via the internet, but there's a lot of it on Facebook as well. Our government have decided to do nothing other than ask us to accept that some of the people we care about will die. We see your Trump and say, ha - look at Johnson - he gives as little of a fuck about us as Trump does about you. But I've lost count of how many panic attacks I've had today, terrible.

I went to the beach with the dog, in another roaring fucking wind - that in itself gets on your nerves when it goes on like this, look at the poor little dog:

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We did a bit of a beach clean and hid in the cafe that gives dog treats:

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I don't know how I will distract myself till this is over. I'm going to be keeping myself a bit away from things, I think. I don't know - I can't work it out. I keep thinking that's the right response, but then there are only 8 confirmed cases in the county and another 8 in the city - it's not that many, you'd have to be unlucky to be infected, but some people will be. The singing group has been cancelled - the medical centre where it's held has stopped all groups from meeting there for now. I can walk on the beach and on the hills. I'm not staying indoors. Daughter has been advised not to go to meetings as she has a temperature. I am scared.

 

 

11:32 p.m. - 12.03.20

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