annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Feb29th
Tomorrow will be the six month anniversary of Sam's death. Sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday, other times it could be ten years ago. I went to the singing group today, after a gap of about six weeks and the first song chosen was 'You were always on my mind' which wasn't what I would have picked. Heartbreaking. No tissues either. This Saturday group meets in a Health and Wellbeing centre, in the middle of the city, on the main road, in a converted shop so there are big glass windows with paper coverings up to about shoulder height and the tops of people's heads visible as they pass by. Inside they have all kinds of upbeat shit on the walls - just been redone with a whole wall of 'Love is the best medicine' with stats and graphics and pictures by kids. Made me feel depressed after singing that song. She was always on my mind, she still is and I could have loved her better and I didn't mean to be unkind and now she's gone.
Before that I did an art session with BigM's two youngest grandchildren (5 and 7), as she had them for the weekend. I bought a roll of lining paper from B&Q for £3 and we drew round each of them, giving them outlines to draw and colour in to make life size self portraits, which pleased them more than I anticipated. The girl was very excited about designing a dress and high heeled shoes; the boy wrote the names of everyone he loves along the length of his body.
After singing, I went to Daughter's and Son fetched up as well. She'd been making pom-poms in fluorescent colours, storing them in the cardboard trays the veg come in with the veg box - green, orange, pink, blue - hideous colours, piled up everywhere. I forgot to ask her why. She'd already eaten so Son and I went to Wagamamma which is a fucking annoying place, isn't it? I don't want to share a table, especially with a pissed girl, loudly banging on about "I am..." loads and loads of it. I don't want Son to get his meal five minutes before me. I don't want a broth with long, barely cooked stems of broccoli, whole pea pods, pak choi and nothing to cut them with. It was a delicious broth though.
We were there for hours. When we came out he went off to catch his train back to London and I was overwhelmed with the beautiful sky so rushed down to the beach to catch the sunset and maybe the starlings. 
Always good to catch the sunset. Free, endless variations, always lifts the spirit. Fucking freezing, winds gale force 9.
11:07 p.m. - 29.02.20
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