annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Feb 13th

Good things:

  • Me and Daughter went to see Jojo Rabbit - awesome, beautiful cinematography, fab acting, mental script, laughed a lot, cried a bit, esp at the end when suddenly (spoiler) they play a bit of Bowie, real powerful shit.

  • The woman who runs the gym classes bought me a bunch of flowers on Tuesday, said she really didn't know why, but just thought she would. That made me cry a bit too

  • I'm wearing tights that fit me. This is a first. Comfortable, don't fall down, don't make me sweat. I'm 65 - tights were invented when I was about fifteen, so only fifty years wait till they realised women come in different heights. Before then it was stockings and suspenders - not in any kind of sexy way, just as the alternative to socks, given that women in trousers would have driven the boys wild with desire. That's what they told us at the boarding house I went to - we couldn't wear trousers because it would be too much for the boys. We were obviously glad to be cold if it meant the boys weren't required to control themselves when confronted with the vague shape of our legs going all the way up.

  • I sent the email to the retreat woman (see last post) and she responded:
    "I don’t want you to be stressed and I will help you every step of the way, okay? You will have me holding your hand and making you feel better about things. We all - and I mean all, - think our writing is shite, so you are not alone there."

    which was just brilliant and I calmed right down, mended the submission and sent it, with the covering letter, then remembered I'd forgotten to double space, so did that and sent a third version with the subject heading "FFS" and she replied "Funny!" so I think that's all good.

I've encountered two shouting men today. One at the recovery centre who was livid at not being allowed in as it's a women only session on Thursday mornings, to accommodate some of the women who've been subject to male violence and can't relax with men around. He was beside himself, on and on, getting more and more angry. He was early for an appointment and would be let in for that, but not before and no, he couldn't have a coffee, he needed to go somewhere else and come back at the right time. He was especially angry at there not being a men only session, it's all about women these days, shouted this angry white man, not prepared to give up even a minute speck of his privilege.

The second angry man was shouting at me, as I was concentrating on taking this photo :


and hadn't noticed Shirley having a shit so hadn't picked it up. Honestly, we were way below the tide line, the tide was coming in, hardly anyone was on the beach and I couldn't see it anyway as the stones are all brown and shit sized. It shook me up a bit though and I didn't defend myself as I'd like to think I would. I wanted to catch the particular intense whiteness of the waves crashing in with a strong wind behind them, but didn't manage it with my phone. I like this though.

Good night. I hope we all have a good day tomorrow, fuck all that shite they try to sell us, we are all loved, we don't need a box of chocolates or a long-stemmed rose. Happy Friday one and all xxx

12:32 a.m. - 14.02.20


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