annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Day 27
This morning seems like it was days away rather than just hours and I couldn't even say why. I took Son to the railway station and off he went, back to his life in London. I hate it. Losing Sam has made me want to cleave my other two kids tightly to my bosom and never let them out of my sight again. As they're both in their mid-thirties, you can imagine how acceptable this would be if I expressed it, so I don't, but I think they pick it up anyway. This is the vibe I get from both of them though, wriggling away, out of my grasp.
In other news something on TV made me realise I haven't had sex once in this decade. Well, not with another person. Technically there are four days left so I could make this a target and see where that gets me, but I won't. If I was a bloke, no matter how old and repulsive (in either looks or character), I could just pay some poor person, but as an old woman I don't think this is an option. Not one I want to pursue anyway. I cannot imagine being naked with anyone again, let alone being excited by it. I see people of both sexes who are attractive in an aesthetic sense, much like I see beautiful sunsets, but it never provokes desire in me. That bit has gone and no great loss, to be honest.
I am grateful today for: eating all the chocolate so that it's gone, not sitting there tempting me; beautiful stillness and peace on the beach today, no wind, little sound; my state pension getting closer and closer - about ten weeks away now, and a free bus pass - unlimited travel by bus;
I'm hanging around waiting to see if my pal D is going to post - she's not missed a single day of her challenge - 31 days of December, writing every day - and now I'm worried that she's not well, though maybe she's just partying somewhere - I do hope so
also grateful for getting through another difficult day; bed now.
Walking by the harbour:
xxx
12:38 a.m. - 28.12.19
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