annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

day 15

I took this today - best pic of a wave I've ever achieved

C38F984A-BE7D-48BE-888B-F6F7535D196D

 

I heard a thing on the radio about really digging in and working out why you're unhappy and was convinced for a while that it's because I feel so lonely a lot of the time, almost as if my daughter dying wasn't a good enough reason to be unhappy. But it is there too, the loneliness of living with someone you can't talk to, but who cooks dinner and paints the craft room.  It's two years since I booked a few outings for me and him - Kevin Bridges, comedian, and Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, live at the ballet place - and said, OK, those are my choices, now you pick a couple of things for us to do. This is me reminiscing on the last time I made a commitment to improving our relationship, but I'm going to stop right there, because fuck it. My memory is miles too shite for me to have any confidence in my version of the history of how it came to sink so low, so I'll stop.

I've almost booked a writers' retreat, with the money my friend A gave me for that very purpose, but it's hard. Do I go with my friend M or at a time when she can't come, when they're holding a 'speak to the agent's day', which, of course, may not come to anything. There are two agents going, one of whom quite specifically doesn't want anything like my stuff, so that means going on my own, on a long drive, for what is always going to be a slim chance... It's in a thatched house in a village and includes all food and drink, log fires, comes highly recommended by friend J, but now I can't make up my mind.  February. Although I could send that agent some of my Polish cleaners version of Of Mice and Men... that's literary, if you have quite a wide sense of the word. Sigh.

I am grateful for: wild windy walking; blissful yin yoga, with the Sunday guy, very meditative; roast chicken dinner; a bit of leftover crumble; finished before midnight, yay

Night night xxx

11:56 p.m. - 15.12.19

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

Jan 21st - 22.01.20
Jan 20th - 20.01.20
Jan19th - 20.01.20
Jan 18th - 19.01.20
Jan 16th - 17.01.20

other diaries:

strawberrri
orangepeeler
jarofporter
kelsi
stellarrobot
marywa
dangerspouse
blujeans-uk
ladyofjazz
SWORDFERN
narcissa
newschick
life-my-way
joistmonkey
stepfordtart
simeons-twin
annanotbob
outer-jessie
ottodixless
manfromvenus
melodymetuka
jim515
hitch-hike
floodtide
boombasticat
aliannmil

Site Meter