annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Day 3
Today has been mega shit, partly because today's photoaday prompt was "something festive" and I can't scrape up any enthusiasm for celebrating anything at all. Then I discovered it's National Grief Awareness Week and then this photo came up as one of my Facebook memories, and I surrendered to just being overwhelmed.
I dithered about over everything for the rest of the day. Calling a 'duvet day' has never been one of my skills - I've set myself these goals - walk 6,000 steps, go to all the things (gym, yoga, art groups), blog every day, take a photoaday - and it's madness. I'm not well and I'm grieving my daughter - I should give myself a break. All my commitments are good things, but only when they're a help. I went to art group too late, then to the gym where I only stayed five minutes, but I did manage to walk a bit - 6482 steps, which is 2.8 miles - and here I am blogging.
I reposted the photo and wrote this:
This photos came up on Facebook as “on this day” from five years ago. Me and Sara taking Sam for a day out in the town of Marlow (as opposed to the care home Marlow where she lived later). We underestimated how cold it was and had to buy warmer clothes in the Marlow Oxfam shop, which was very swish. This is the period when Sam seemed to slide back into something like babyhood. She could no longer speak, beyond the odd word, and didn’t really know much of what was going on, but she was happy to be out with her mum and her sister, larking about by the river in the bitter cold. My feelings for her returned to that primordial love a mother has for a tiny baby and that’s how it stayed to the end. Her good heart shone through always, breaking mine along the way. I just wanted to pick her up and cuddle her and keep her close and safe. That picture is everything #nationalgriefawarenessweek #grief #daughters #love #fuckms
11:41 p.m. - 03.12.19
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