annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Day 2
OK, here I am again, day 2 of the blog every day in December challenge. D has a better name for it than that, but I can't remember what.
Today was a bit frantic. I'd made a list and somehow felt the sky would fall on my head if I didn't complete every task so I spent most of the day knotted up with anxiety, totally panic stricken about forgetting something, or being late or generally fucking things up. In the end I did fail to complete my email to Son-in-Law, Sam's ex-bloke, about her "estate" as it's called. Or half a mobile home and maybe some jewellery. No will. I sent what I had written to Son as quite often I think I've written something plain and simple and someone else will say, "Hmm. It's a bit hostile." I do feel hostile to SIL. He didn't visit her for the last two years of her life, not once. Not a card, or a phone call to check on how she was. Nothing to us either, not to Grandson, whose stepdad he'd been since GS was three. He didn't come to the funeral, or contact any of us, yet when I had to call him about some DWP bullshit he cried and cried and somehow I found myself consoling him, when I didn't want to, I wanted to punch him. He said he didn't come to the funeral because he couldn't face it. Not like the rest of us then, who cared so little we could easily turn up and bury our Sam.
Anyway. That's not ticked off my list yet. And I didn't pick up Daughter's DMs, but I did go and look at paint colours in B&Q with a view to turning the box room into a craft room. Aw man. I have this massive cupboard, decoupaged and lovely, that will be heaved up there somehow 
and it would be nice to have some colour on the walls that matched. I have no fucking idea about that or anything else so I posted a pic online and asked advice. Teal was the big suggestion so, having looked it up and discovered that it's turquoise in old lady speak, off I went to have a look and fuck me, there's a whole shelf of shades of bloody teal. I picked up these for further contemplation:
the blue is the colour of the sides and top. I like all these and wouldn't mind a few of them, but how does that go? Walls in different colours? Walls, doors, skirting boards all different? I don't know - it's all too hard. I thought I'd come home and make a start on sugar-soaping the walls ready to paint, but instead I watched telly for hours and scrolled endlessly through my phone.
Though I have also been to acupuncture and yoga - not with my usual bloke but with a supply yoga teacher who worked us hard, in a way that I didn't like as I found myself unable to make my own decisions about how far and how long and all that - I just did it and it was more than I could/should have done, though I did do it, so maybe not, but it left me feeling useless and pathetic, which is not the aim.
Then I walked the dog on the prom as the light was fucking glorious and I'd been inside all day. Today's photo prompt was 'lights':
and this was what I found at the end of the pier. 6313 steps, which is 2.7 miles, not a huge amount but better than sitting on my arse all day.
Today I am grateful for: a good bowl of veggie soup after yoga; acupuncture; my little dog, who I really love - I look at her and feel a physical rush of love, bastard; walking in the beautiful light; art group tomorrow
Night night. I hope you are all as well as can be xxx
12:11 a.m. - 03.12.19
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