annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dentist I had a check up at the dentist early (for me) yesterday morning. My car was telling me I only had enough petrol for 8 miles, my benefits weren't coming till today and my bank account was right on the overdraft limit so Bloke lent me £20, in cash. As I was driving along I realised I'd left the £20 at home. I phoned him and he said he'd transfer it to my account. I put £10 of petrol in and the machine refused my card. Momentary panic before I realised I had the card in my name which ED's money goes into, so I paid with that. All good. Arrive at dentist in time but have sudden thought. She's an NHS dentist but I had to pay for my false teeth so do I have to pay for a check-up? I ask and yes, I do. I totally lost it, in the reception of this quite posh dentist - she only sees a few on the NHS - I was suddenly overwhelmed with the horror and humiliation of not having the money (it's only now I'm thinking why didn't I pay again with ED's card? It literally never occurred to me despite having used it ten minutes previously). So there I am weeping and wailing, catching sight of myself in the mirror and seeing I've put the wrong top on, this is the identical one with a big hole and paint smears down the front, wah, sob sob, awful, like a tap that's been turned on. They were lovely - I could cancel or I could see her and pay tomorrow. "Wah! I can't afford dentists! Why did I think I could afford to see a dentist!" etc. Honestly, there was no stopping me, until suddenly there was and I wiped my nose and apologised and lovely dentist invited me into her room and did not only a check up but a free scale and polish and gave me a fistful of samples of toothpaste and little cleaning sticks and I've just paid over the phone. So the lesson is, the fragility of my mental health is REAL and I need to practise massive self care to avoid going off like that all over the place, beyond my own control. Laters x
10:32 a.m. - 11.07.19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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