annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Bed
Not good, nothing like good. All day in bed, apart from a couple of hours - I thought I'd take the dog round the block but when I stood up I realised that wasn't going to happen. If feels like flu but without the cold - no, not that bad or I wouldn't have gone downstairs to get my laptop, let alone be sitting here writing, but I miss writing, even more so when I haven't seen or spoken to anyone. Meh.
We're approaching the anniversary of my brother's death, 15th, the Ides of March - I'll remember it because of that when usually I forget death dates and focus on birthdays to celebrate and mourn those who have died. It's hard. I'm increasingly preoccupied with dying and death, including my daughter's but now also my own. My chest feels a bit tight - heart attack, obviously, or some smoking related something or other. My leg hurts still - bone cancer. And so on - there's more. but enough. Actually I feel a bit better already just for writing it down. I've done mega-sleeping - 12 and 14 hour stretches, with afternoon naps.
And I did meet all my commitments, like a fool. I taught my Wednesday writing group, went with ED to the hospital on Thursday for her to have her feeding tube replaced, which ended up taking most of the day, got to the art group on Friday to submit my pieces for the Open House, went to birthday dinner with my sister-in-law yesterday, helped set up the new furniture in ED's room - ach, I'm mad.
That's the bruise from where I fell on Tuesday - pretty good, huh? Best bruise I ever had.
I've done something I can't undo that's made the writing massive so I'm going, as it's freaking me out.
I am grateful for: a warm bed; being inside while the wind blows up a storm out there; a dog; a laptop; a great book The Wych Elm by Tana French - fucking awesome but what shall I read now?
11:17 p.m. - 03.03.19
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