annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Not much


  • I'm not as tired as I was, as I've cut right down on doing things, but frustrated at not being able to do what I want.

  • Writing group was good today - I feared no one would come as S, my only real Wednesday regular is on holiday, but there were three new ones and a member of staff sat in as well. We were really varied in our responses to the same prompts - the one where I asked them to imagine a hand, then describe it, then have it hold something, then say what happens, was ace - they all drifted into a wider memory from a starting point of the hands - one about her grandmother's hands, observed while she was in hospital after a stroke - all the nappies they'd changed, all the soup they'd stirred - would she ever paint again? Another described holding hands with his partner, who is autistic, and the coded signals they have developed that no one else can see; another went right off into a poetic piece about hands as symbols of the psyche - I tell you it was thrilling to have brought this into being - we all sat and listened to each other, grinning with pleasure.

  • I saw my end of life doula today and she's going to come with me to meet ED in the care home in a couple of weeks. Good. She makes me feel safer and lighter. She's ready for my tears, my despair, my sorrow. In the face of that acceptance they shrink down instead of becoming everything I am. Daughter is OK. I mean, she's not well or anything but she's steady and peaceful - there was a flicker of a mischievous grin yesterday. I've measured up her room with the intent of getting her some decent furniture, though that does feel a bit scary, like pushing my luck. My sister-in-law says there's a lot of magical thinking around end of life scenarios. She's not wrong.

  • British political life is as corrupt and dishonest as USian political life. Unbearable. What a bunch of cunts.


I am grateful for: My SIL giving me a cardigan of my brother's, which I have been wearing a lot, which is not exactly comforting, but I like wearing it; my writing mentor being patient and kind and encouraging me to rest well and take my time, to not rush or wind myself up too much; spending time with my pal Welsh M today, in the misty drizzle in the park; having a warm bed to crawl into any minute now; having a warm dog to snuggle up with.

Take care xxx

12:01 a.m. - 07.02.19

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