annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Better than yesterday

Much better day today, after bad start.

  1. Cancelled the woman who I recently taught to knit, who was due to come and help me tidy up - couldn't face it. Felt sad though, as I like her a lot, but didn't want her in my house with me and Bloke - he'd move into 'everything's fine' mode and make me want to kill him

  2. Then a parcel arrived and it was this:c4d67f03-4f2d-45f7-8016-0d7ac4b4f44b a stack of books for me to read to ED, from that journalist I got 'chatting' to on twitter. So thoughtful and lovely and kind, made me weep, WEEP, I tell you, sat on the floor holding them all in my arms. And the scented candles - fucking hell. I don't like them as a rule but I thought I'd light one of these this evening, just to see and it was delish - I googled the make and it turns out they cost literally ten times what I have ever paid for a candle, and that made me cry even more. Can't use them in the care home, no naked flames allowed, so they're mine, for me.

  3. The woman mentioned in 1 above called and said could I not just pop round to hers for a quick hug so I did and her baby (late baby, she's also a grandmother) was so gorgeous and smiling and wanted to play with me and touch me - so soothing and healing - it made me think we all ought to have at least one baby in our lives. And I like her a lot too.

  4. Cancelled the meeting about getting my DBS and insurance (work related) but still went and did writing group. New bloke there, bit tricky - bet he'd have been a lot easier if I hadn't looked so awful, which I didn't notice till later. Hair unwashed for weeks, unbrushed for days, scraped into a tight elastic, face quite grubby, eyes swollen from crying on and off all day, lips cracked and dry, clothes too tight and dirty, quite possible I was (am) a bit smelly too. Some blokes really can't be doing with unattractive women and I got that vibe from him. But I kept it all going and in the end he enjoyed it and said he'll be back next week. Meh, not bothered if he doesn't. I like the other guy, who comes every week. We've settled in to each other now. There was also a woman who's been before who is very ... I dunno - real I guess. Authentic and open and very likable.

  5. If you read this and want to let me know you've read but don't know what to say in the face of all the doom and gloom like yesterday's post then you could always put xxx in the comments box. I use that to say, 'I've read your blog and I feel for you, I hear what you're saying but I have no fucking words. Take care, see you next time.' Us Brits are a lot more free and easy with the xxx than you USians, I've noticed that. But never mind. Or just scroll on by, I won't ever know.

  6. I want to discuss the Gillette ad and the response to it, but I'm knackered and have the other writing group tomorrow so I'm off. Here are a couple more pics though: 1 new painting, started but not finished: 84c10942-01c9-447f-bfa6-152c4eede398 2. the face of a dog who just buried a raw chicken wing in my bed:bcccc57d-93d8-47b5-a67b-a3d625a70f3c

Night night. I am grateful for: feeling a bit better this evening; all those books and candles; we finished the last meal from the lump of lamb we've been eating since Sunday; having the sense to cancel stuff; also not walking far today (1.6 miles) and not worrying about it (too much)


12:21 a.m. - 24.01.19


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