annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunday Another quick entry - why do I always wait until it's really late then think I'm mad to even try and write and I should go to bed? I'm so tired because I walk round all day as I hate being here in this fucking house which ain't a home, which is good for the steps, fitness etc but crap for every other aspect of my life. I did call Housing the other day, a number the manager of the recovery centre gave me, which helps people with mental health difficulties who have housing problems making it worse. They were all set until they realised I lived in the next county at which point they fucked me right off. Nothing doing, at all, They did give me another number to call, but I don't want to be rehoused over here, I want to get back to my city which I love, which feels like home, which I fit right into, where people don't stare at me as if I'm some kind of alien, but just let me be, let me live my life and walk to all my shit. Meh. But it forced me to talk to Bloke about it. He was shocked rigid, not because I hadn't said repeatedly that I can't go on living like this, but because he hadn't believed me. I can't though. It's like being back with Ma, my stepmother. Both of them put a roof over my head and food on the table so I should be grateful and how dare I want anything else. But if I'm going to be lonely I'd rather be on my own and just chat to you peeps. So I'm waiting for Plan B to come along. It will, I know. I'm nothing if not resourceful. My sister-in-law suggested couples counselling and while I was with her I felt that it could be a possibility, but when I come home and he's here I find I don't want to make any more effort at all. I know I haven't made any recently, but this has been going on for almost thirty years. The yoga thing was bloody flow yoga - which might have been all right if I'd been able to hear her without having to strain, if I knew right from left (I do when I think about it, but if I do it quickly I'm wrong more often than not) and if I had enough core strength to be able to do all that plank malarkey. Then I got a tickly cough during the relaxation and had to leave the hall, and while I was outside, I spotted a book on the shelf of secondhand books called "Teach your granny to text" which pissed me off as a concept so I picked it up which caused all the other books to fall off the shelf. Sigh. There's been a report by the United Nations into poverty in the UK which said: "The UK government has inflicted “great misery” on its people with “punitive, mean-spirited, and often callous” austerity policies driven by a political desire to undertake social re-engineering rather than economic necessity, the United Nations poverty envoy has found." From yesterday's Guardian. Not widely reported. Fuckers. I am grateful for: roof; bed; laptop; dog; kids xx 12:38 a.m. - 19.11.18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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