annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Another Saturday Night

1. There's a little box that pops up now on wordpress saying "A new editor is coming to level up your layout" which is a prime example of a sentence where I know what all the words mean separately but arranged like that they convey absolutely nothing. I thought an editor was a person.


2. I'm worried about my friend Dia who lives in California and hasn't contacted me since I sent the sea glass pendants she bought two weeks ago. I made myself not look at where the fires are in relation to her address because I am catastrophising everything these days, thinking everyone is dying or dead already and trying not to, but I just looked it up and now I feel scared for her. Sending love and prayers.


3. Daughter is still not great but the care home staff say that the antibiotics she's on are harsh and cause upset stomachs so the bloating of the belly could be caused by wind.  I had been intending to take her to the city this afternoon, to mooch about amongst the Christmas shoppers, the lights and all that, in the mall where it's flat but she didn't want to get up so I sat with her making sea glass pendants: I made all those this afternoon. Too quickly, too tense and agitated - it doesn't sooth me. I made the display board in Friday art at the recovery centre for this shop that's opened up selling local artists' and craters' work. I went in a while ago and showed them photos of my stuff and they said to bring it in this week when they anticipate having space. This and beach hut paintings. I lost the silver rings for the pendants - I forgot what they're called too, maybe jump rings. So I used the brass ones I have for now (or are they bronze?) but I'll have to change them. This is the first four I made, without the rings


4. All I can think of right now is that we're on borrowed time with ED. She's not really living any more, just existing, and this could go on for a while or a long time or god knows what. Or I could get a phone call. I look terrible - I unexpectedly caught sight of myself in a mirror and felt shocked. I look haunted. I feel fucking haunted so I don't know why I'm surprised - what did I think I look like?


5. Tomorrow I'm going on a yoga thing with my sister in law, all morning, with meditation and shit - I just went to find out what else and basically I have no idea, but it'll probably be good, I reckon. Can't hurt. It's not with my yoga guy as he's in Sri Lanka, the bastard, on one of the yoga holidays that he runs that cost a fucking fortune.

I hope you are all keeping well. Thank you for reading.

1:32 a.m. - 18.11.18

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