annanotbob2's diary

annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Quick, quick, quick

Staggering from one thing to another, writing groups, acupuncture, osteopath, walking the dog, art, 5 rhythms, beach cleaning, and mostly, my daughters

Elder Daughter much the same, but with a horrible rattle to her breath that's been there for weeks, despite two lots of antibiotics. She's cheery, in her usual vague way but she's always the background to my life, either breaking my heart when I see her or killing me with guilt and regret when I miss a few days, forcing me to focus on the present, not to look back with sorrow nor to look forward with fear, but to try and stay here, now.

Younger Daughter in a bad way, following her near death experience in Spain. She told me when she was in the car and the water suddenly flooded in she had time to think, 'Fuck, I'm going to die because I went back for my poxy suitcase,' and although she didn't - the car was a brand new hire car, engine already running and with enough oomph to get her up the slope out of the water - the proximity to it, the reality of how close she came, that nine people did actually die in these floods, is all too much to bear when it seems everyone is dying all around you. They're not, but too many are. Today was the funeral of a stalwart of the Glasto Kids field, another one who died too young. Though the older I get, the older 'too young' gets. I think he was 67 - only 3 years older than me so def too young. I didn't really know him and I don't care about anyone else any more, just my darlings. But YD knew him well, they painted the castle (giant house-sized climbing frame) together every year.

Writing groups - doing two a week, every week, still unpaid. This is my plan till Christmas, then I'm going to have references and will try to get some paid workshopping. Maybe old people's homes - we could do memory writing and I could type it up for them and give them booklets to read about their lives. Dunno. Today three people wrote things that made them cry, which was OK apart from having to move it along - we only have an hour, yeah yeah, ooh sad, sorry to hear that, next!

Sea glass jewelry up for sale, £20 a piece, plus p&p which will be a couple of quid. I think this translates to $30 all in, for the US. This link may work, if not I'll post pics tomorrow: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10156349838840971&type=1&l=b60004b910

Tomorrow I am going to paint some beach hut pics to try and sell. I have no fucking money at all - just £250 overdraft capacity left which I'm saving for my teeth which will be ready next week so I have to pay for them. After that I'm fucked. I'm going to put petrol in the car on ED's bank card tomorrow as I have to go to art group to paint the beach huts and then to see sister-in-law, but help! is what I say. Except I keep forgetting. I spent two quid this afternoon on some old flowerpots - very nice and three for a quid - I scraped all my change together, without remembering THIS IS ALL I HAVE - wtf???

12:48 a.m. - 02.11.18

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