annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No Not doing great here still. Today I had appointments at the same clinic for the osteopath who's sorting out my fucked up leg and then acupuncture and I wanted to go to yoga later, in the afternoon. Parking in the city is expensive and in the centre you only get a couple of hours on-street - if you want longer you either move your car to another area or go in a car park, which are all mad expensive. This is shit, but it's necessary - when the car parks were more affordable the place was permanently grid-locked with cars queuing to get in them. But today, and yesterday even, it started then, I could not for the life of me work out how I was going to mange having these three appointments. I knew that being unable to work it out was a sign of being unwell, because really, fuck off, it's not rocket science, but I couldn't do it. In the end I drove to the clinic, parked outside and paid for the maximum two hours, which wouldn't cover the yoga. I cried and cried and cried and the acupuncturist calmed me down but then I had to see the osteopath, who is OK but is a bloke and I don't like having a man's hands on me, even less these days, so I got myself invisibly knotted up inside and afterwards it all came out in a massive panic attack of whirling dizzy scariness in the city centre, after I'd had a brainwave, driven to the free parking outskirts and caught a bus back in. So I was there near the place for yoga but just mental with all this shite, leaning against a shop window, trying not to fall over, being looked at as if I was drunk or off my tits on something and not feeling able to take it into the Buddhist Centre, which is a shame I think now because they almost certainly would have looked after me. but I couldn't. So I went and bought some handmade sheepskin furry slippers I'd had my eye on, for Elder Daughter, whose feet are often icy to the touch and all twisted so she can't get them into Uggs - her money is a bit less desperate now - can't remember if I wrote about the financial catastrophe that I've got into, both with my money and hers - so complicated I still don't know where to start explaining it - it's the result of a lot of decisions that seemed appropriate at the time, made with my head firmly stuck in the sand plus a good dollop of blind optimism and now we're fucked. But I've managed to squeeze a few quid out on more overdraft and I can't get my head in the right place to sort it properly so on we'll go. I'm meant to be making jewellery to make some cash but I'm too tired to see straight. So I'll go to bed, what am I doing still up? Night night
12:30 a.m. - 09.10.18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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