annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Just moaning

For a while now I've found it hard to write here as I've been reading back over early blog posts and can't bear the difference - I was comparatively light-hearted back then as opposed to the miserable git I am now.

I'm putting my gratitudes in here as having them at the end makes it feel like at the end of ITV news when they have a silly story, to signify that it's all OK - food banks, selling off NHS whatever, here's a dog barking along to a TV theme - no need to march or riot, all is well.

So I am grateful for: acupuncture; warm weather still; a camera on my phone; the new JK Rowling novel - a Galbraith one, but you know who I mean; furry slippers

But, this is the way it is, it's the way my life has gone. Out there, in the daytime, in that Real World, I do my best to put a game face on as I do want to keep some friends. This is having a bad effect though - there's no one I can really unload to so it piles up and emerges as panic attacks and always crying when I'm driving alone in the car. So the new plan is to moan here, freely and without concern for the sensibilities of any readers that might still be with me, because holding it all together is killing me.

But where to start - a list: lack of friends who can bear my crap as well as their own; Bloke; dog; money; leg; tiredness; Ikea getting permission to build here; Amazon sneaking in a fucking depot on the same deal without any discussion of what a bunch of cunts they are as an organisation; that fucking judge and all that stuff in the US and how some bastards respond to it; lies, lies lies spewing out of the fucking politicians, local, national and US - they're the ones forced into my consciousness despite my efforts to avoid them; teeth, fucking hell these false teeth are a nightmare; tiredness.

Going to try and write a bit every day. Hope you are all doing better than me, though I know some of you aren't. Hugs xx

 

11:56 p.m. - 03.10.18

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