annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary



  1. [This is a rubbish para, most unclear but I can't make it better]  I was wrong about the review in that it hadn't been 'outsourced', just another NHS reorganisation, changing areas and responsibilities and all that. And apparently funding of the kind ED needs is ring-fenced, outside of the rest of the NHS budget, so even if the current lot say they won't pay it any more, they have to until another body picks it up. I may not be making sense because it's all a big fog in my head, We sat for three hours in a small room with no fan, going over tiny details of ED's lack of capacity and it was grim, I tell you, grim as fuck. And they decided she wasn't entitled to their funding any more, but not to worry because blah blah blah. Terrible. But will all be OK. The woman who came, the assessor, said that ED will always be funded, absolutely definitely, that will never change, but ten years ago I would have said that British families would never have to rely on food banks and I'd have been wrong, so not much consolation there.

  2. I'm off the mentoring for at least four weeks. Too stressful, all the stuff that happened last week with the lad. It's a charity, set up by well-meaning but untrained people with a bit of cash and there's nothing I can do to change it unless I get right into it and I don't have it in me.

  3. I kind of glossed over the panic attack that I had last week but it was major. I've never had one before and I couldn't talk or move for twenty minutes. This needs taking seriously. I have an appointment tomorrow with my key worker at the good recovery centre - she's a qualified psychiatric nurse, as opposed to the one at the place I'm meant to go to, who is a volunteer and does my head in. I've asked for advice and strategies, not just listening and going mmm.

  4. Art at the hospice was good but intense as there was only one other person there, plus the teacher, plus a volunteer. So one to one. I got the volunteer mostly, who was quite pleasant but wanted me to approach the project like an artist - well, I think that's what it was, but I wanted to get an outline of this:  sea monster onto a giant piece of paper, and to get paint onto it all. Not in any finished way, just vague shapes that I can come back to next time. She found it difficult and wanted me to mix better colours, but I wanted to crack on. These are just base layers. I might have taken more time if she hadn't been there but I became awkward. I did this, anyway:carers art which I do quite like as a starting point.

  5. I'm thinking of changing my blog name to fat old woman in a bikini dot com but am not sure whether or not to add white, eg fat old white woman in a bikini dot com. What do you reckon?

  6. And I forgot to say my car died, gone, kaput, written off. Boooo hoooooo. I spent the money I'd got saved for a new passport on hiring one for a week, thinking it would be back by next Friday, but no, it's past mending apparently.

Sleep tight. I am grateful for: the sea, the sea; a fan; next door agreeing to keep their dogs in at night - though as I wrote that Shirley started barking at nothing, fucker; a blog to maon in; a bed to sleep in

11:47 p.m. - 24.07.18


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