annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OK I'm not even going to read my last post through as I can remember (vaguely) that I'd hit some kind of rock bottom, lower than I've been for ages, and as always, felt that I would stay there forever because that's just how my life is. But it isn't. Since then my car passed its MOT after some bits of welding and ... I didn't listen to the rest, but it took a few days and Bloke paid for it and I still have a car, thank fucking fuck. There must have been things wrong with it because now it sounds really kind of safe, which is well dodgy, that I didn't acknowledge how bad it sounded before, but never mind, another year's driving from my dear old car. Yay. The hospital eye thing was very difficult - I was still quite mental when I went to that, couldn't sit in a chair in the waiting room, but paced about, wringing my hands, freaking some of the other people out a bit, I think. They measured my field of vision, then put nasty drops in my eyes, which stung, sent me back to the waiting room for 15 minutes, by which time it really fucking stung, then looked into the back of my eyes (I think, I may have this all wrong, I was pretty strung out) and told me they were fine, nothing going on that could be causing the dizzy spells. So back to the doctor for that, and I'm not banned from driving, which I discovered had been a massive fear. The stinging died down but my vision was hideously blurry for the rest of the day, making me feel quite seasick, so I went back to bed and woke up feeling better than I had done for days. A bit shamefaced for all the weeping and wailing, pacing and all that, but what can I say? I'm quite together a lot of the time, but not all of it. Also, fuck the football, fuck the football, fuck the fucking football. Honestly, if some of those dickheads cared about it a little less I could care about it a bit, but they do my head in because it's a fucking game, blokes kicking a ball about - who cares???? Not me. Thoughts on naturist beaches: There are stages. Step one (for a woman) is sunbathing topless. Then naked. Then swimming naked. The next stage is walking about on the beach naked. I haven't managed that yet. I mean, it's the sea glass beach so I want to be up and about, looking for sea glass, and I'm not a sunbather, but I don't quite have the bottle to wander about nonchalantly, starkers. I'm hungry but there's nothing to eat so I'm going to bed. I am grateful for: a great session with the writer-in-residence at the recovery centre; swimming with my YD; walking on the downs as the sun set; not losing all this post as I tried and failed to upload a photo; feeling better, thank fuck for feeling better Hope you have a fab weekend xx
12:49 a.m. - 07.07.18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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