annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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- It's been a bit ropy these last however many days but I think I'm easing out the other side. I spent yesterday with my friend J (whose dog Millie I used to look after, for those with long memories), walking the clifftop paths and talking, talking, talking.
- She has encouraged me to have another think about trying to extract a book from my blog. Actually, I'd already thought about this after talking to Beth, the recovery centre manager I did the radio interview with. She asked about my writing and I told her I blogged, explaining that I'd started in 2005, soon after my first (untreated) mental health breakdown, when I was back at work too soon, working as a teacher on the children's ward of the local hospital, with two wild teenage children at home... and she looked proper interested. I've decided I need to write a really good, like a really fucking good, letter, describing it succinctly and wittily, with some extracts, to send to an agent. Some agents. I downloaded and saved a post from each year, just to check it out and I do think there's a real chance of finding at least one book in it. I know it's all got very misery-lit recently but I think I can find a balance. Fingers crossed and any comments, constructive criticism etc very welcome.
- I just took my teeth out, Bloke having gone to bed long since. Ah, the relief. I haven't yet taken them out in front of anyone else, thereby proving that I do care what I look like more than I like to think I do, but I'm bound to in the end. They're just uncomfortable, like having a big wodge of gum in your mouth - I keep wanting to spit it out, and I still can't chew meat or take a bite out of anything, even something soft like a sandwich made of soft bread. Wah wah wah.
- Tomorrow I'm going to see a show in the Fringe festival with my pal P, over from Spain. I'm being sociable, trying to make contact, real contact with people I love, be less lonely. Hard still, but I'm cracking on. I'm going to be 64 in a month's time - 64, for fuck's sake - and am thinking of inviting people round as it will be a Saturday. I'm also thinking of saying there's not a chance in hell of me doing food or buying drink, so if you lot can bring stuff I'll run the vacuum round, make sure the glasses are clean and make a playlist. Does that sound plausible or fucking cheeky?
- I've accepted (in theory) a mentee, a young person not in employment, education or training, God help her, who I will attempt to assist in moving her life forward. Under close supervision, obvs. Yikes.
I am grateful for: friends appearing when I needed them badly; feeling a bit better; a singing thing this afternoon, blissful to bellow out the old classics like Hallelujah and The House of the Rising Sun; and dancing this morning, always life-affirming though I did weep through large parts of it; getting the oomph to write a post againSweet dreams xx
12:26 a.m. - 17.05.18
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