annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Strain

Three wins: Fleabag tix; then Kevin Bridges tix; asking Bloke to come and fetch me when I had another dizzy spell instead of just waiting it out.

1. Difficult day. No art this morning as I went to mosaic in the afternoon and feel I can't concentrate on both, but maybe it's just the timing - I couldn't concentrate anyway. Once I stopped trying to come up with a design and decided to do loose, wobbly stripes I felt better, and just sat cutting up mirror tiles which was almost soothing. One of the other people had done significant damage to their arms quite recently, and I found it hard to get into mellow chat as if I couldn't see evidence of such distress. I am in dire need of soothing but it's not easy to come by right now


2. The fucking, fucking leg is showing signs of healing at last. Four weeks on. Man. It really hurts at the moment as it was cleaned and re-dressed this afternoon, with new iodine and that sets it all off to the point of painkillers for sleeping. But, the gungy area is finally shrinking


3. But, also, so dizzy this afternoon and again this evening - quite scary. I do have raging hypochondria these days - too many people suddenly dying. Well, maybe only one suddenly, within six weeks of symptoms being bad enough to seek medical help, but still. I'm not keeping my cool. Lack of yoga, and art and no dancing tomorrow and supporting other people whose need is greater than mine but not feeling supported through my smaller need which is still quite spacious and invasive and more than I can manage #struggling


4. I don't know what I'll watch on telly when I finish the current (and last) series of Landscape Artist of the Year. It's so chilled and interesting but undemanding - I don't have to listen to the discussions - I can just watch them painting, all so different, amazing


5. The dog and I are driving each other crazy. She wants from me things I just cannot currently provide and I want less from her, much less. I don't know how long I should keep her before admitting defeat and owning up to being too lazy/selfish/fucked up to own a dog.

Thank you for reading. Sleep tight xx

11:50 p.m. - 10.04.18

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