annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Leg
- My leg wound went right off. I managed to get an appointment to have it looked at by (I think) a nurse at the surgery who tutted and gave me a look when I said I hadn't had a tetanus shot (a look about 'them' not me), and did an iodine dressing. She said keep it on till Tuesday and come back to have it changed then unless it starts to hurt more or seep through this dressing. So it's started to seep through - not much but it's Easter weekend and everywhere is shut till Tuesday apart from A&E which will be heaving. Though someone has just told me about a walk-in clinic at the city train station, which sounds less hectic.
- I am amazed that I never noticed how handsome my brother was when young.
All sorts of people, both women and gay men, have told me since he died that they used to have a massive crush on him and when I look at photos, I think, well of course, he was gorgeous, but I didn't see it then. I also feel very sad at assumptions we made about each other that were wrong. Like I was always a bit pissed off that it was always me that made the contact and I assumed that he wasn't that bothered about seeing me or not, but I did want to see him, so I called or just turned up. Now his wife tells me that he had exactly the same inner voice that I have, saying that no one would want to see him, so he never instigated it - aw man, how awful, awful, awful to only discover this when it's too late. We never talked about him behind his back, me and his wife, although we've always been good pals, it just wasn't what we did - well, latterly about his health, but never this kind of intimate stuff. - I don't know how to write a speech about him to be read in front of people whose relationship to him will be so different when my own understanding of him is shifting and changing from day to day.
- I still can't believe that he's gone.
12:36 a.m. - 30.03.18
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