annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Mothering

1. This evening I spent an hour watching dear Paula's memorial service. I am so grateful to her niece for sending me the link (it's now on Paula's facebook page) - I know I never met her and in the scheme of things I can't account for why her death touched me so hard, but it did.  What is always needed afterwards is to come together with others who are hurting, to share stories and memories. It feels good and peaceful to have been able to do that, even vicariously, and I learned a lot about her that I hadn't known - she was such a modest writer and such a good friend to so many people, me included. Her brutal honestly about the course of her cancer has encouraged me to be more honest here about how things are with me. This is how it is.


2. Mother's day today. Meh. Here's my birth mother, and me, in my paternal Granny's arms. I like how scruffy my mum is, and her smile


3. And today, for the first time in ages, I found myself missing Mum, the wicked stepmother, the only mother I remember, who wasn't always horrid. This is one of the montages from her funeral:


4. I took Grandson to the care home to spend some time with his mother, my daughter, on mother's day.  Hey ho, is what we say to that. Smile though your heart is breaking, that kind of thing.


5. I can hear the dog snoring. It's been a crap few days, spent mainly alone as Bloke went away for the weekend and everyone else was busy. I didn't articulate to anyone my need to not be alone, so I can't really feel as sorry for myself as I have been, but that's the way it is sometimes. I cooked a roast chicken dinner for YD and GS as she's poorly - not too poorly to eat, but that's another story.

12:33 a.m. - 12.03.18

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