annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Rubbish

1. I thought I'd be unable to do anything at all today - I'm back in a phase where my dreams are vivid and distressing and set me up all wrong to face the day. The details slide away as I look towards them, but the emotions remain and they're not good. But I clambered out of bed and blundered into the morning and the sky didn't fall on my head, so that was good.


2. Took the beach debris collage to the Friday art group and sat in a side room sticking more bits on until the time was up. I'm calling it 'A Day at the Seaside' and hope someone buys it as it's too big to bring home. This is it's 'real' colour - the last one was in the fading light.


3. I took Shirley as I couldn't work out what I wanted to do after the group - after a little walk and sniff round the park she slept quite happily in her bed in the car. Then I thought we could go to a high point on the downs to take some photos of a dew pond - I've seen photos by other people that look magical, Off we set, full of reasonably good cheer and intent, but as we came up over the brow of the hill we were engulfed in a massive cloud of, well, cloud, I guess. You can see for fucking miles up there on a good day, but today: Still, it made a change and Shirley loved all the new smells and varieties of shit to attempt to roll in - not only dog, but rabbit, sheep, cow, fox and probably badger. Bloody dog.


4. After that we came home and I lit a fire and fell asleep in front of it.


5. I feel angry that just as I've been able to see that ED is probably not going to die just yet (although she still might), I have to face the fact that my brother is going to. Unbearable, but has to be borne. I'm stuck at the moment, though. Consumed by this.

12:27 a.m. - 10.03.18

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