annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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Quick!
- It keeps getting late and I'm slumped on the sofa, too tired to get up and go to bed, then I don't post and get cross, so here I am with a quick five.
- Getting a fab van for ED through the motability scheme. It's getting complicated with details and doing my head in but I will persevere and all will be well. Although I can't push the fucking wheelchair outdoors at the moment because of my legs so why I'm getting her a van, I don't really know - guess I'll have to harass people into coming with us and pushing. I can do indoors because it's flat but as soon as we're going uphill, even slightly, it starts to hurt really badly. Meh.
- Comedy gig with YD last night - brilliant. I laughed loudly quite a lot, which never hurts, does it? This is who we saw, but from a while ago https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z2n1Ok0H_Q
- Really just tired and struggling to know how to do this thing right now. I encounter a lot of kindness out in the world but not so much at home. Which goes two ways - I'm much kinder out there than I am here. I get frozen into a few places - four places in fact. I can be in bed, or on the sofa, at the laptop or at the sink washing up. If not, I'm gone. I have this massive garden and absolutely zero interest in cultivating it. Bloke will do it all, but only if I tell him what to do and when. He loves it but won't take any initiative - there was this mad idea that the joint project of the garden would be a bonding thing but instead it's another example of why we are a crap couple - well, not even a couple, just two people living in the same house. Hard.
- On the radio news the other day, first an item about a couple found unconscious on a bench in Salisbury who turned out to be Russians, poisoned by nerve gas (whatever that is - this is turning out to be a big story with more to it, but I don't want to know any more). Then an item about a woman discovered dead in her bed in London, stabbed loads of times, and her husband's and children's bodies found later that day at the foot of the cliffs just along the coast a bit from here. I mean, what the fuck? It's like we've moved into Agatha Christie world. Jesus.
Today I am grateful for not very much, because I'm a miserable bint, but actually I know I am lucky to have: my health, even my legs, which carry me about a lot, over 200 miles this year already; my friends, both real and here online, who are all kinder than I deserve; a home to live in, even if it is in a place that I fucking loathe; access to things I love to do, that make me feel better, like the dancing and the yoga and the art; my kids, who are the best three people on the planet, actually. Four when you consider my grandson. So there.Night night xxx
12:54 a.m. - 09.03.18
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