annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Teeth, mainly

1. The dentist. Fuck. She got in my mouth with her little, poky, metal stick thing and you could tell that all my teeth are as loose as fuck.  She took an X-ray which revealed that they're all hanging by thread to a bit of bone that's shrunk away into the distance. So. They will all fall out, starting quite soon with one at the front that I could take out myself without any pain. I can choose to let them do this, au naturel, over time, but if I take it one by one, each time I need a denture or a crown it will be a Band 3 treatment and cost £244.30. Or, if she takes them all out in one set of treatments, it will be just one charge of £244.30, rather than one for each tooth. As I don't have even that amount at all, and will have to scrape it together somehow, I am going for that second, awful option, but WAH WAH WAH! *cries like a baby* I don't want all my teeth taken out!


2. And, get this, she said there was something or other going on that she's going to sort out in my first appointment which is the cause of my halitosis! WTF??? No one has said anything to me about this and if I have bad breath - well, there's no 'if' - the dentist said I did so she could presumably smell it - but why has no one taken me aside and gently mentioned it? Oh man, that was a traumatic morning, yesterday.


3. I can't even remember where things went after that - oh yeah, yoga then acupuncture, then instead of going home I went to the sea glass beach and walked the wrong fucking way again, west, with the wind behind me, without noticing, letting it blow me far, far along, until I was really tired and my legs hurt, then I turned round and FUCK, still with the ice cold easterly wind, blowing in from Russia with not much love. It was almost dark by the time I got to my car and I'd cried and cried with the pain in my legs and the imminent loss of my teeth and my girl and my brother and all my friends who have left too soon. I don't even know if it's a good or a bad thing to feel this broken when I am this broken. I hate it when people tell me I'm doing so well, as all I can think is they mean I haven't killed myself. Yet. (I won't. I would have by now if I was going to, so I won't)


4. Today. I seem to have lost today - ah no, lots of crap with the doctor that made me very angry - their computer system is fucked and all my stuff is caught up in it and I'm the one trying to sort it out with endless phone calls back and forth, getting more and more complicated.. So I did lose a big chunk of today, doing that.


5. But I also saw my girl and booked a couple more shows. One was Heather Small, as in the clip a couple of posts ago, and the other is a live cinema screening of Lady Windermere's Fan, directed by Kathy Burke. It's the kind of thing ED would have loved back in the day and maybe she still will. Hard to know, but if she's zonked out, she might as well be sitting in the theatre as in her room, and if not she may just love it. Oscar Wilde, not as snappy as The Importance of Being Earnest, but better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

Sleep tight, dear peeps xx

12:17 a.m. - 07.03.18

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