annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary



  1. Had what was meant to be my annual mental health review at the GP's. I'd had a letter asking me to book a twenty minute appointment, but the fucker had me back out of the door within less than ten. Basically yes, I'm much worse than I was this time last year, but anti-depressants don't work for me (I've tried them all, for at least six months each and they don't work - this is the case for about 15% of people) and there's nothing else, so I can just fuck off. If I make a believable suicide attempt I can see the crisis team until they think I'm safe, probably a fortnight, then I'll be on my own again, with an annual review. Oh to be in England, etc.

  2. It was World Book Day today and I suddenly couldn't bear not being part of anything bookish so decided to read to the residents of the care home.  I dithered about all morning trying to decide what to read, printed off a story, went to the library, got in a state, etc etc, but when I was actually there, in the lounge, I realised that actually they're all far too compromised for a story to be worth the effort, but maybe poetry would reach them, with a rhythm and some rhyme. So I rummaged about through the books I have accumulated in ED's room, chose a few and gave it a shot.  Man, it really worked. It took a few lines each time, for them to settle, but with each poem we soon arrived at that magic silence, when everyone's caught up, paying attention to what they're hearing. I have no idea what sense they made of it, but the managers were both there and were really pleased, convinced it was a worthwhile thing to do and asked that I do it again. So I will. Here's the first verses of the ones I read today:
    1. King John's Christmas, by A A Milne 
    King John was not a good man —
    He had his little ways.
    And sometimes no one spoke to him
    For days and days and days.... 
    2. Macavity, By TS Eliot (this is one of the poems that was turned into the musical Cats)
    Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw—
    For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
    He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
    For when they reach the scene of crime—Macavity's not there!
    3.The Listeners by Walter De La Mare
    ‘Is there anybody there?’ said the Traveller, 
    Knocking on the moonlit door; 
    And his horse in the silence champed the grasses 
    Of the forest’s ferny floor: 
    And a bird flew up out of the turret, 
    Above the Traveller’s head: 
    And he smote upon the door again a second time; 
    ‘Is there anybody there?’ he said. 
    and 4. The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes
    The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees. 
    The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas. 
    The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor, 
    And the highwayman came riding—
    The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door..  

  3. The heating broke - wah wah wah! The same thing seems to have happened to loads of us round here, we're all moaning about it on facebook, all due to not having had a big freeze for several years, so the pipes freeze - something to do with condensation and pressure and blah blah blah. Luckily a) we have an open fire so the front room was warm and b) Bloke is dead handy with all that and managed to make it work again eventually - there's now a bit of garden hosepipe threaded through one of the holes in the bathroom ceiling (where apparently dangerous lights were removed when we had the place rewired) dripping into the bath. Eleganza extravaganza, I think you'll agree

  4. I have done so little walking this week, terrible. I didn't go to yoga again as I ended up feeling scared from all the melodramatic weather forecasts and because the city (where the yoga is) is very hilly. I have zero experience of driving in icy conditions, so the thought of icy hills is enough to put me right off. So no yoga at all this week, and fuck all walking. 1.4 miles today. Rubbish. Still, the weather is meant to change back to normal on Saturday so I can make it up then, if my legs let me.

  5. Look at my lovely dog's little scruffy head:shirley all snuggled up on my lap, keeping warm. Aw.

Today I am grateful for: Bloke mending the heating; stovies for dinner; getting the hire car back in time with no aggro; Ugg boots keeping me warm in the icy wind; someone linking to all the Bob Mortimer bits from Would I Lie to You

Sleep tight xx

12:46 a.m. - 02.03.18


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