annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Pushing on through to the other side

  1. This morning I still felt terrible, but somehow got myself to Tuesday art group, in the driving rain. (The weather is so fucking changeable - it seems like we've had weeks of alternating clear blue skies and days of endless rain.) I kept going with decoupaging a couple of wooden bits of furniture, both still looking shit but hopefully will improve eventually. I have no ideas of anything to do in either of my art groups. No inspiration at all. Meh. But I like being there. Today was good as the rain kept people away so there were just three of us and the teacher. Soothing, tearing up bits of newspaper and sticking them on this box.

  2. After the art class I had the session with my key worker, who was fucking crying when I told her about it being wittykitty's and Poola's birthday yesterday and how they had both inspired and helped me from afar and... ach, I can't even remember - I was sitting staring out the window at the rain as I was talking and I looked round and her eyes were full of tears. Fuck. I got all dithery after that, couldn't decide what to do or where to go and all the calm of doing art was lost again. Maybe she was crying about her own stuff, who knows.

  3. Hours on the laptop, stupidly going round and round, round and round, then the rain stopped and I dragged myself and the little dog to the beach, where the rain started up again, but it didn't matter because I was outside in the wind, warm in my duvet coat. I noticed after a while that I was talking to myself, but didn't really mind. There was a bloke on the telly last night who'd had bad anxiety and depression and jogged all round the coast as a method of keeping his spirits up, and as I watched it I'd repeated to myself to get outside when I feel bad, to just get outside and move. It may not be a lasting cure but for the duration, it is better than not doing it. And I did it, so yay, go me etc

  4. ED went to the MS centre today for a physio assessment, something I've been pushing for for bloody ages. She loved it apparently - we went there a few times when she was much less compromised so maybe she recognised the people and/or the place. They have loads of good physio she can have there so this will now be a regular weekly appointment. Tomorrow she goes for a risk assessment at a hydrotherapy pool, which I have also been banging on about for ages. Her legs are both absolute dead weights, so floating has to be brilliant. Fingers crossed.

  5. Peace in our time - look at them, both asleep on my bed:IMG_5525 I was pleased they were getting on till I read this on twitter: Our dog Paddy brought our cat Felix into the house this evening and lovingly placed him in front of the fire. Yes, that was such a sweet thing to do...except for the fact that Felix was buried on Tuesday. Hence I am on the wine. Yikes

I am grateful for: living by the sea; pancakes for Pancake Day with blackcurrant jam and creme fraiche; kind comments - thanks guys xx; nice texting chat with YD; ending the day feeling better than I did at the start


Laters  xx

12:29 a.m. - 14.02.18


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