annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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Done
- Sigh
- Too hard
- The boundaries are unclear between maintaining a positive mental attitude and denying your feelings, between wallowing in self pity and allowing yourself to be sad. I don't know where I am with all that but I know it hurts and I don't like it and I keep fucking stuff up. I missed yoga by being a twat. Drove all the way there and back as well, so didn't even have a proper rest, just anxiety and self-recrimination all day and the cost of the petrol.
- I wanted to just steal my daughter out of that care home today and bring her back home, as if that action in itself would restore her to me, in all her gobby wholeness.
- This is the third consecutive day I have walked less than three miles. More than two, so not the end of the world, but less than three, so feels like a fail.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't committed to being consciously grateful for five things every day, but I can't live with how much I hate myself if I don't do it because I walk past people living on the streets every day. I am not an addict (this is clearly debatable, but not a drug/alcohol/tobacco/gambling addict); I have a home; I have family I love, who love me; I have friends, even if I do hate them all sometimes (see also family); I have a puppy and a cat.
10:58 p.m. - 12.02.18
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