annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Review of 2017, just a bit late

I stole this from Narcissa - it's kept me off twitter, made me think and made me appreciate still being here. Now I'm off to walk in the cold sunshine.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Sat at my daughter's bedside in a hospice as she received end of life care, though it turned out to not be the end of her life.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No and no.
3. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? A camper van, a part time job, perhaps and a bit of hope for a better future...
4. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Walking 1000 miles - I was going to say just keeping going till I remembered this and the two are definitely linked. Getting outside and putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what the weather, no matter what else was happening, kept me the right side of the sane/mental line. When ED was really low I knew I needed it more than ever.
5. What was your biggest failure? Fucking up an application form for my ideal job - part-time peer trainer at the recovery centre, where the person spec included lived experience of mental ill-health and teaching qualifications and I didn't get my teaching qualifications onto the online form, for fucking fuck's sake. And I left it too late to be checked by anyone.
6. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes, I slipped on some concrete steps and did a cartoon style fall - up in the air and down with a crash, hurting myself badly, though luckily not breaking any bones. I came to really appreciate my good fortune in not having to live with constant pain as it's awful, fucking, fucking terrible and I have no idea how people survive and live with it.
7. Whose behavior merited celebration? My kids, gathering round their sister, supporting her and me and each other, bringing up ED's son with love
8. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Politicians, esp Trump, May, Hunt. Also Richard Branson, hypocrite of the century: Hey, I'm Mr Cool, but I'll squeeze the NHS for every penny I can, because no amount of billions are enough and I don't care how many beds they close, nurses they don't replace, people who die.
9. Where did most of your money go? Self care, one way or another. Yoga, acupuncture, dancing, the petrol to get there, the sandwich and coffee afterwards.
10. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Getting a puppy! Yay!
11. What song will always remind you of 2017? This one:

https://youtu.be/L3wKzyIN1yk
12. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? about the same all round
13. What do you wish you’d done more of? Spending time with friends, laughing
14. What do you wish you’d done less of? Crying
15. How did you spend Christmas? With my dear friend M and all of both our families. She'd had cancer for most of the year and was better. We'd all had the most terrible year, which made us good, easy companions, grateful to all still be here, happy to be together.
16. Did you fall in love in 2017? hahaha
17. What was your favorite TV program? Nothing really stood out enough for me to remember it now... I got very angry about This Is Us, when the dad was in a sports bar when the big game was on and started shouting at his wife/girlfriend so people couldn't hear the TV. When someone asked him to be quiet, he punched him in the face. I kept expecting this to be referred to, that he was a dangerously angry man who felt entitled to get his own way, but no, that wasn't significant. He's a good man apparently. Crikey.
18. What was the best book you read? I read a lot of Caitlin Moran, who is always fabulous and I really enjoyed discovering a new crime writer, Susie Steiner, Persons Unknown, but the best book was definitely The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas, for taking the reader deep into the heart of why black lives matter, with feeling, showing not telling.
19. What was your greatest musical discovery? Not this year...
20. What did you want and get? ED's life to go on. And a puppy. And I found a 5 rhythms group
21. What did you want and not get? A camper van, a labour government
22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Do you know, I can't bloody remember. I was 63
23. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being outdoors so much. Dancing every week
24. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Same as ever - wear whatever. Avoid mirrors, don't give a fuck. One of the new care workers at the home said the other day that she loved the way I dress, loved my 'swagger'. So ner ner
25. What kept you sane? It was a close run thing - not sure I made it, but adhering to regular physical activities had to help
26. What political issue stirred you the most? The destruction of the NHS
27. Who did you miss? ED - she's silent - I so miss her talk, her endless annoying, clever, funny talk. But also Julia, Stepfordtart, Joan, Kim, YD who hasn't died but has stepped back from me (though I went to see her this evening and it was lovely).
28. Who was the best new person you met? I met lots of good people at the hospice, but didn't make any new friends this year
29. What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.  Be here now. The future really is unknowable, the past is gone.  Grab the present, it's all we have. Also write shit down that you need to remember or it'll go right out of your head..
30. What was the best thing you bought? My puppy
31. What countries did you visit? None this year.

I am grateful for: feeling more peaceful; another quiet day; nice time with both my daughters - separately, sadly, but still; pie for dinner; ready for another early night

11:33 p.m. - 25.01.18

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