annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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A bit better
Art group at the recovery centre - thank fucking fuck for that, eh? Gradually all my self care things will slot back into place and my equilibrium will emerge, wobbly as shite but better than the last few weeks have been. I mainly talked, too loud, too fast, too much information, but I needed to, like needed to. I knocked out this painting, which I am going to go back to - I don't know what happened with that bright blue bit in the middle - the part I like best is the cars at the bottom, just suggested...
Then I came and fetched the dog and went to the care home and had another go at sorting all that blue badge shit out. Made some progress, took dog and daughter to the beach as the sun went down, found lots of wood, tried to bring it back but realised that dog, wheelchair and long pieces of wood in a strong wind are actually too much, so took daughter back then collected driftwood, went to supermarket, had panic attack, cried, pulled myself together, moved to a different part of the supermarket, lost the plot again, repeat, several times - it took me almost an hour to get a few bits of stuff - a hand basket, not even a trolley, but hey ho, it's been a tricky time.
Came home and made myself a delicious dinner from scratch - smoked cod fishcakes, with horseradish mayo, fried tomatoes and runner beans:
Bloke doesn't eat fish so he made himself an omlette. Afterwards I felt better and realised I hadn't eaten all day, which may explain the meltdowns. HALT and all that - don't expect to feel good if you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired. While in the remembering mood, I made a plan of all the things currently doing my head in:
and I know that's only some of it - I completely forgot I'd arranged for someone to come and assess Elder Daughter's wheelchair and give a quote for a better, more suitable one - on Monday morning, when I could be at Carers' Art at the hospice, except I've already changed the wheelchair guy once as the first appointment clashed with yoga. Changing things once is fine, no sweat, shit happens, but doing it twice loses good will. Sigh.
Today I am grateful for: free firewood; ED being a bit more cheerful; missing the rain; art group; having a puppy to cuddle
Laters xx
1:05 a.m. - 06.01.18
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