annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Walk away
Finally had my therapist appointment - I'm down to monthly for financial reasons - and was enabled to see the situation that had been quite literally driving me round the bend in a different light. I'm not going to get right into it as it's a complicated horrible tale, but I had been told a story involving, in the speaker's words, her "being sentenced to death" by actions of her husband. I assumed she was speaking the truth and was shocked, horrified, all that you would be, but then cracks in the story appeared and perhaps it had all been a fabrication, which is a different kind of horribleness, to play for sympathy by telling such a whopper about your husband, especially to a person whose daughter and brother are both in the grip of terminal disease. It just rattled around in my head - to believe, of course, but then again... back and forth, back and forth. All in all I veer towards not believing, but I'm reluctant because of the implications of it having been a lie... It felt like being back in Year 8, aged twelve, but with the possibility of actual death.
My therapist was aghast that I was mixing with people who live like this, who say and do such things and said, "And you're bound to this person because...?" And invited me to walk away, cut all ties, leave it be. Oh, I have rarely been so grateful for him taking off his counselling hat (which is what he says when he gives me actual advice rather than letting me work it out for myself over months of despair).
So I am walking away, which I tried to do without comment but having been pushed for a reason I blurted out something a bit short, to the point and lacking in any kindness and have been feeling like a bit of a cunt ever since, but that's OK actually. Sometimes I'm a bit of a cunt. So shoot me.
Meanwhile, here are some pictures of my puppy:
First time off lead:
On the beach, keeping close:
At the puppy training class we have to take a rug for them each week and drop treats on it without them seeing. The idea is that they'll think the rug is a good place to be and will settle to it everywhere. It works! She stayed on her mat round at M's house for about three hours, chewing a bone for ages, then falling asleep:
Training has finished now (spot the rug!):
I am very pleased to have Shirley though she does make life complicated as I can't leave her alone for long hours and there's no one close who can let her out. Tomorrow, I would go to art - in fact I probably will, but not for as long and I won't see my brother afterwards... you see there are aspects that are tricky though she is lovely and has taken to the beach like a second home. She does like a dead fish though...
Anyway, here's me and my poor girl, out in the wild, windy weather on the pier, harassing tourists to take a pic of me in between the wings. Daughter was cheerful every time I peeped round the chair at her, but looks dead miz in all the photos:
And one from my recent trip to London:
Rocking those crocs and bloke's mac, worn over a nifty fleece with charity shop dress cut down to a skirt. It's what they're all wearing, don'tcha know?
Laters xx
12:01 a.m. - 13.10.17
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