annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Awful I went to see Sam yesterday for the first time in several days. She didn't look great - I couldn't tell if she was 'absent' or pissed off with me for not visiting her in so long. The community nurses came to refill the morphine syringe driver, as they do every morning. Morphine is a controlled drug so there's loads of hoo-ha and protocol. there was only enough for that day - none for the next - which was an error that needed to be rectified. The nurse got on the phone and started calling round. She started each call by giving her name, job title, Sam's name and address and then, in the same mechanical, speaking by rote, giving the necessary info tone of voice, "it's end of life care". I mean, I do know that, but emotionally I had forgotten. And I am crushed all over again. Devastated. And I don't really know why. I'm going to see her now. I don't want to. I don't want any of this. I'm not strong enough to take any more, but nor am I strong enough to walk away. That's all 2:29 p.m. - 16.07.17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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