annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Where we are now

So. Today another visit from the doctor. She has stabilised, my girl. The doc asked me to compare how she is now to how she was before this flare up of illness and the answer is, not that different. She was awake more during the day, but her periods of wakefulness are longer again now. She's been much the same for three or four days. Doc says she may keep this up for a week or two. Or not. The infection is in retreat but will return, stronger than before. She will not leave suddenly, but over a period of a day or two and that hasn't started yet.

That was this morning but it took till this evening, and YD patiently explaining it to me again and again before I could grasp the facts that 1) she won't be gone while I am away if I am gone for a few hours, or even overnight and 2) I really need to do some nurturing stuff, but what the fucking fuck is going to nurture me now?

But I am home, for what that's worth. It's like the Marie Celeste here, everything just as I left it the Friday before last. Son is staying with ED. YD did a rota, trying to make me do other things but it isn't like that now.

Things that don't help:

• getting into arguments with cunts on facebook who are spouting vile shit about Muslims because of Manchester


• volunteers at the hospice who mean well but don't shut up or take hints. Sometimes I can cope with a dithery, well-meaning, elderly woman (by which I mean 80+) blethering on about how when her brother died in the 1940s, she was sent to school the next day - why is she telling me this? does she think we are being molly-coddled? Does she want a smack in the mouth? My black friend J punched an old woman once, at a bus stop, who'd told her to "Go back to the jungle." She said she didn't mean to, but her fist was out and connecting before she could stop it. I'm not saying this is similar but if this woman comes back I shall ask her directly to go away.


• the bloody govt saying we're on high terror alert after a fucking bomb has gone off


• I can't remember. When I was in the car driving home I had a list of loads of things but they've all gone now.

12:10 a.m. - 25.05.17

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