annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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Five quick quick quick
- I just went for a two mile walk round the housing estate, leaving here at 11pm, as I could not let myself not do it. I felt a bit scared, this being a big shit-hole full of dodgy people, but I didn't meet anyone else on foot, just passed two parked cars full of lads smoking very smelly weed, so all good. 3.2 miles for the day.
- I have made all the presents for YD's birthday but most of them are a bit crap, which has made me very anxious and sad as I had visions of perfect, stylish, original items that would fill her with joy, rather than stuff she'll have to pretend to like. But I still don't have any money to buy things (apart from some strings of prayer flags for the allotment), so that's that. Sigh.
- It rained today, thank fucking fuck, can't even remember the last time it did - April showers, my arse.
- We went to see live streaming of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by the National Theatre last week and it was bloody brilliant. Much better than the film - it really works as a bleak, empty stage production, even when you're watching it on a screen. Little D Radcliffe was great - good comic timing - aslso David Haig as the player. There's a lot of chat about death in it, which made me think of Stepfie, about death being an absence. I've felt the loss of her more and more recently, but it's often like that, isn't it? The shock of them still being dead.
- Took ED out to the bluebell woods yesterday, but impossible to tell if she enjoyed it or hated it or wasn't fussed either way. Brutal. I told her that I'm trying to give her the best life I can but I have no idea if I'm getting it right or wrong. No response to that either.
Hard after that to find gratitude, but essential to remember my life could be worse, much worse. So. Today I am grateful for: a sewing machine; rain; a grandson to go on a jaunt with; a camera in my phone; bed Night night, sleep tight xxx
1:03 a.m. - 01.05.17
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