annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Low Don't ever go thinking it couldn't be worse - it always can be. I've been drifting about with my head up my arse not noticing half of the things I've done and said and now someone I love very much has said they want to take a break from me as my words and deeds have hurt them greatly and repeatedly. I never thought that could happen, that I could do this to someone I care about. I love her so much - she's one of the most important people in my life but when she listed the times I'd cancelled or forgotten or not noticed or taken for granted I knew she wasn't just making shit up - it was all true, every last thoughtless, hurtful thing. Endless fucking loss, unbearable. She said she knew that I didn't know how to love, having not been loved myself and she doesn't blame me, but wants to take care of herself. So I've done this to her and to myself. So that's me tonight. I make myself feel grateful for it not being even worse because I am aware that unlike some I do have a roof over my head, a full belly, a bed to sleep in, maybe not money in the bank, but an overdraft facility, a laptop and a car. So I am amongst the blessed, even though it doesn't feel like it. 12:39 a.m. - 03.04.17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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