annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Back home
All clear on the daughter front - no infection has entered her system from dispersed kidney stones, she looks better than she has for months and months, sent home, all good. Thank fucking Christ for that - I am so relieved I don't know what to do with myself. It was a long hard day though, as they said she could go home as soon as the meds came up from the pharmacy, but that took six fucking hours! Man - it had all been brilliant and then a big fail at the last moment. Waiting and waiting and waiting some more, trying to keep calm and stay a patient patient. But we made it and I will begin to unwind soon. Probably.
I didn't even get an interview for the writer in residence post, which I am disappointed about, though almost certainly, if I were to look back over my application I'd see some great big horrible cock up that I didn't notice because I was too stressed. I was too stressed and under-qualified and over-anxious, but apart from that it had my name all over it. Sob.
While sitting next to my dozing daughter these last two days, I've crocheted a pussyhat, though I ran out of wool and couldn't get the same colour, so it's stripey and I couldn't muster a smile that wasn't scary as shit for the life of me, but here's my hat
I don't know if it will stay on my head in the wind, but I've been wearing it indoors all evening, in solidarity with my sisters around the world but particularly in the US. Useless gestures R us.
It feels like tomorrow I will start the rest of my life. I was so scared there would be what those cunting fucks called an "end of life event" that I was frozen solid inside, and have been since last September, which is a long time. That was when I started walking though, I realise as I write, walking compulsively. So that's good.
I am grateful for: our blessed, beautiful health service and all its staff from cleaners to surgeons and over-worked pharmacists; the care home staff for staying with us; chocolate; yoga tomorrow (there may be crying); my darling girl and her determination.
Sleep tight, y'all xxx
12:27 a.m. - 26.01.17
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