annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


k1, p1

Struggling to come to terms with ED's drop in communication ability. Until the visit this Saturday, even when she couldn't speak we could ask her questions with a yes/no answer and she'd be able to indicate her preference, by choosing a hand held up, by blinking or by squeezing a hand. Not now. Nothing. Oh man. It may come back, sometimes things flicker on and off before going altogether, but it may not. She's still in there - she laughed and snorted quite a lot, always in appropriate places, like when YD, GS and I played a board game, with a lot of blatant cheating and larking about - she found that amusing. But still.

So I kind of lost Sunday. I let myself feel the feelings all morning, then dragged myself out, bought some wool, some food, walked on the beach.

I've decided I want to do some knitting and/or crochet, which is tricky as I don't have the patience for anything too big (like a jumper or a cardie) and everything else I can make is kind of crap. But I came across this:

which is about bodging things together in interesting colours and textures, so I thought I'd try some of that. I can imagine a good scarf, or a cushion cover. I've got shit loads of wool (I'm a granny, there are rules):

The author of the book said to make a pile of ones you like together, and live with it for a bit, adding and subtracting to see the effects. This was my pile:

Not sure about the yellow.

Then I cooked a roast dinner, fucked it all up by not remembering to look at the time when I put things in the oven, burning the bread sauce by not noticing it was on full heat, ach, awful. Became increasingly agitated.

Thought I'd calm myself down with some 'free-knitting' in front of Downton. Last episode of the last series, though with a Christmas special still to endure. I really hate Downton fucking Abbey, though I do watch it. I'll have a proper rant about it when it's aired in the US, tho I'll probably have forgotten by then.

I made my first fragment:

and it wasn't at all relaxing as you're endlessly chopping and changing. I think I will like it, though I'm not great with colours - they change, don't they? That strong pink, that goes across, down and back across, looked fine in the pile, but it's jarring in amongst the others.

So I thought I'd crochet a string bag. It seemed to be going well, until I realised I must have been adding a stitch each time I completed a round, as there was a big bulge:

So that pissed me off and I went to bed, cross.

Today I have been to yoga, calmed down, cried during the relaxation, didn't care. Unpicked the poxy crochet and re-did it this evening, so I'm back to where I thought I was last night, without the bulge.

Tomorrow I'm going to the optician's and a plasterer is coming to smooth out the lumps in the front room.

I am grateful for: my yoga class; a car to get to it in; the prospect of the front room being usable; being snug indoors on a windy night; being able to knit and crochet.

Sleep tight xxx

12:53 a.m. - 10.11.15


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